I am an expert in this topic. I hit the jackpot when my parents named me Allyson. As an “A” name, I’m usually first in my friend’s phone books, and the first one to be bombarded on a Friday or Saturday night. There can be a few pros to the faux pas that is drunk dialing/Facebooking. As seen in the new “FML I just read my text from last night” column, re-reading your inbox or outbox from the night before is great for entertainment value. Some of the best inside jokes I’ve had with my friends over the past 3 years have come from quoting ridiculous texts from nights out.

Although drunk texting can occasionally lead to a hot romance, you should still by NO means profess your love in a drunken Facebook message. You would never create an event entitled “There’s a party in my pants and You’re Invited” and send it to your crush, so why would you send them a message? It’s even worse than a text, since your need of an expanded canvas shows you just have just that many more feelings for a person who will probably read the message soberly the next morning.

Old school drunk dialing is still the best option for unloading your drunken baggage on the often unexpecting dialee. Why? The Facebook minifeed is a broadcast tool that will not let you forget about your mistake. Even with drunk texting, texts can be shared with friends all over campus. The only record of a drunk dial will be a side note in the received calls section of your friend’s phone. Although it’s easier to retrace your steps with Facebook, is it really worth it? No, especially with the growing numbers of post-25 year olds on Facebook. Many of my aunts, uncles, and co-workers are getting in on the Web-based stalking. Do you really want Father Von Arx to read that you got obliterated last night and are feigning for the touch of some kid named Larry? That will not go over well on the next Loyola retreat.

While drunk facebooking is lethal, I will never understand productive 4 a.m. Facebookers. I would like to know how some manage to be the paparazzi of the party, and instead of passing out, feel inspired to post and tag those embarrassing pictures when they get back home. And if you, like me, are the average college student who upon awaking the next morning first thinks “OW”, followed by “food,” Facebook could not be farther from your mind. This can allow those horrendous pictures to be floating on Facebook for a solid eight to twelve hours before you even see them.

Technology and alcohol are never a good combination. If you’re going do it, stick to dialing.