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Fans of Weezer, consider your message received. The alternative rock group was offered $10 million, which he planned to raise, by a Seattle man to break up and never make another album again. That would not be so bad if the notion wasn‘t so widely supported by their own fans. Let me repeat that last part: their own fans want them to stop making music. Wow.

To my knowledge, fans of other bands in history have never been so desperate. But, after almost fifteen years of mediocrity and so-so albums, who can blame them? Yes, Weezer was huge in the nineties, as their first two albums, “The Blue Album” and “Pinkerton,” are generally regarded as must-haves for nineties rock fans. However, since then their albums have not sold as well, and none have received higher than mixed reviews on any music critic site. The fact that they have completely changed from alternative rock to more of a pop-rock group hasn’t helped.

The group has said that they will remain together despite the offer. Drummer Patrick Wilson responded jokingly that if “they can make it 20 [million] we’ll do the ‘deluxe break up’.” Lead singer Rivers Cuomo did not take it as lightly, reassuring fans that “no amount of money will stop us from being together,” and they still plan on releasing more albums. As for the money, 1% has been collected, equating to $100,000. The man who started the movement, James Burns, stated that the money will be donated to a good cause.

To give Weezer a break, perhaps this theory could be applied to some other bands that just need to be told to stop. We all know the type: Once beloved in our eyes, we may now be better off taking the Old Yeller approach and putting these bands out of their misery. The longer they’re around, the longer we suffer. In no particular order, here are some of the more dire cases:

Good Charlotte:

The style of music just doesn’t match the people singing it. This goes for you too, Simple Plan. You both talk and “sing” (more like complaining with some harmony and guitars) so much about teenage angst and getting laid, but there’s one thing you’re forgetting: you’re old. Let’s look at the ages of the lead singers for each group: Joel Madden of Good Charlotte is 31, as is Simple Plan’s Pierre Bouvier, and Jeff Stinco, the lead guitarist for Simple Plan, is 32. That means his intended audience is half his age, and most are probably younger than that. Yikes.

Smash Mouth:

Steve Harwell and company jumped onto the scene in 1997 with their hit single “Walkin’ on the Sun,” and followed that success in 1999 with everybody’s favorite feel good, fun song “Allstar.” But since then, all they have been able to do of note is their cover of The Monkees’ “I’m a Believer” that was featured in the movie “Shrek.” The band is still together and recording albums, but listeners are no longer believers in this washed-up band.

Backstreet Boys:

The Jonas Brothers of the nineties, they were the heartthrobs of every pre-teen and teenage girl, and every girl had her favorite one. You couldn’t turn on MTV without seeing “I Want it That Way” or “Larger Than Life,” and A.J. constantly wearing a hat. Since the release of “Black & Blue” in 2000, the group hasn’t matched that success, and the ADD-like attention span of teenage girls has well moved on over the years. Though one member has moved on, the rest are committed to making music, holding out hope for a time when they can all come together again. With any luck, Backstreet Boys won’t be back, and I would be alright with that.

The Rolling Stones:

Listen up, Mick Jagger. We don’t know why Ke$ha says she would kick other guys to the curb unless they look like you. You’re too old to be out there running around on stage. Granted, you still can rock pretty hard, but it’s fair to say that most people go to your concerts on the off chance that it could be last time the entire group can get on the actual stage without needing help. At the very least, stop labeling every tour the “Farewell Tour,” because you’ve been saying farewell since the Nixon administration. The combined age of the group members will be 268 years when they launch their “final” farewell tour next year, which also marks their fiftieth year together. Other aging bands should take note as well: The Who, Beach Boys, and of course, Cher.

Britney Spears:

Yes, the last album was rather popular, and yes, she still has loyal fans. But most of America stopped caring when she got married, then divorced hours later, then married to Kevin Federline, which shockingly ended in divorce a few years later. It’s hard to say that the quality of her work has dropped off drastically, and she is certainly not too old to perform. But after the fiasco surrounding the care, or lack thereof, for her children came about, her reputation took a major hit. And once somebody shaves her head in order to beat a drug test, as Britney did, it’s basically over.

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