For those readers not familiar with the Mock Wedding, it is promoted as the social culmination of parties for students who live at the beach. A week before the event, people discuss and fight over whom they voted into the wedding party, what outfits they will wear (may or may not be restricted to girls), how many strippers they will get for the bachelor parties, and how to make the best combination of jungle juice.
When this tradition originated remains a mystery, but judging from the distance it takes to find a hotel that has not yet experienced the Mock Wedding, it has been around for some time. Next year cross off Stamford.
I never actually saw anyone get married or see any member of the wedding party in a vertical position, the Bachelorette party, the open bar and the optional hotel stay mimicked the essential elements of a wedding for college students.
Here are the things I learned from Mock Wedding:
* Girls give each other the twice-over and fashion death stares until we’re two beers deep and hooting at male strippers. After the initial ‘red carpet,’ it is all high-fives and two girls teetering on one keg to share a viewing vantage point.
* After riding a bus for many years, it is still apparently fun for guys to pop the emergency hatch, moon drivers on the road, sneak booze behind the seats and make noises with their mouth to elicit a response from the cute girl sitting across the aisle.
* If ingested together, rubbery chicken, Red Bull, Advil and an aerosol can of hairspray (confused with breath spray) do not induce vomiting.
* White boys really can’t dance, although I love their attempts.
* Wine stains are best removed by a hydrogen peroxide and Dawn mixture.
* Mark Reed has the uncanny ability to send 300 students at a mad dash for rooms, buses and cabs while humoring the drunken slurs from an unnamed groom.
* Cab rides from Stamford to Fairfield cost $65 and are awkwardly uncomfortable when smushed next to three others in the back seat with the continual thought of enduring the ride only to get reimbursed in StagBucks.
* When looking for the Stamford train station, if you start walking onto the I-95 on-ramp, reverse, look for a Planet Pizza delivery car and catch a ride there.
* Even though downtown Stamford resembles Times Square, do not start looking for the subway.
* However fun and different you try to make a night, it will end at the Grape.
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