She lies when she tells you, the boyfriend, that your roommate and her FOG* are not nearly as attractive as you. Due to the disproportionate ratio of hot girls to hot guys at Fairfield**, she probably lowered her standards to date you in the first place. You break up, and she immediately gets together with FOG. That’s your cue to hit the gym.’ Remember, you can change the size of some of your muscles.
She says she is a football connoisseur when she couldn’t care less. A love for sports helps to create the ‘chill’ fa’ccedil;ade she strives to project.
Women generally omit seven to 10 pounds from their weight. This lie can backfire around people like doctors or trainers. Tell the truth on medical forms to prevent situations like, and I may or may not be making this up, a coach saying ‘You wrote you are at your lowest weight, but our scale shows your body fat has gone up 5 percent this year.’ He or she sends you to sessions with a nutritionist. FML, as the popular phrase goes.
She’s slept with three people, after you do the math: (15/3) ‘- 2 = 3. Equation: Real number (15) divided by three; subtract two to get her as’sup2; number, or acceptable sexual statistic.
Someone asks ‘Do you know [insert name]?’ Her false response: ‘Eh. Yeah, he/she’s nice’ means ‘I strongly dislike him/her.’ Girls also might say ‘I don’t want to talk about people, but’ which is, frankly, a kiss of death for the person who follows that tag line.
Body language can lie, too. You walk past her and she buries her face in her phone. She just received 20 texts at that exact moment! She can’t possibly see you, the only other person on the path from Regis to the BCC. Please go away, she hates you.
Which is why, He Said, if we run into each other at the bar (and we won’t, because you apparently hate college), my phone will receive a sudden influx of texts. And that’s a truth.’
‘ *Friend-Of-Girl **Opinionated estimation: Five hot girls to one hot guy.
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