Author Dan Stanczyk

My experience of Thanksgiving restores the old American notion of patriarchy. The women labor in the kitchen and prepare a feast while men lounge around and watch America's number one sport: football. Thanksgiving, appropriately named, is a time to give thanks, and this is what we should all be thankful for this year.

Sharing a bathroom with 20 guys is a bonding experience like no other. Each floor's bathroom was like its own military zone that was both protected and destroyed on a regular basis. Trust me when I tell you that you did not want to mess with the Jogues second floor battalion of the class of 2008.

I'll be the first to say that I'm not perfect, but who are we kidding, you aren't either, so let's get right to the judging. Girls here at Fairfield are all virtually of the same mold, but they generally come from three different areas. There are two types of girls from Long Island.

Sports is a man's escape from women. Every Sunday, we just want to sit on the couch, slop on some pizza, drink beer and watch football. Stop invading our world, girls. We need a break from you or we will lose our sanity. "If relationship George walks through this door he will kill independent George.

Halloween was much better when we were kids. For starters, we never had bad costumes because our moms always made sure they looked good. We got free candy, and at the time that was the ultimate high. Our parents constantly warned us about creepy old men who gave out candy that wasn't individually wrapped.

What a joke of a holiday. At least on Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas we get to dominate food. Why do we even celebrate Columbus Day? Is it because he drove away the Native Americans quicker and more effectively than the U.S. government could? Either way, he did get us a day off by being the captain of the Santa Maria.

Facebook is the epicenter of our existence as college students. If it isn't your homepage, it probably should be because it's everyone's most visited site. My excuse is that I check my e-mail a lot. Whatever, it makes me feel better about myself. Things are getting a little out of control with the applications.

I'll be the first to say that if Barone had a bathroom, I'd never leave. Seriously, your bowel movements are the only thing keeping you from scoping babes all day. Not only am I one of very few seniors with a meal plan, but I'm also single handedly keeping the Scott toilet paper company in business.

Ahh the morning after. It can either be as awkward as possible, or you can thrive. When you wake up, roll over and say, "Who are you?" you know you either settled for a wildabeast to break out of a slump or it was $1 pitcher night at the bar. Every guy gets that one-track mind where he'll do anything to get some and, unfortunately, alcohol makes wayyy too many females doable.

Annnnnnnnnnnd welcome back everybody. Summer is over and the new year is finally upon us. The 9-5 work is no more and now it's time to do work on the females of the class of '11. (Does that look scary to anyone else?). My advanced scout, a.k.a. my friend who had to take summer classes at Fairfield in order to qualify for medical school, has informed me that we have some real blue chippers in the incoming class to replace the overworked class of '07 that was past their prime anyway.