Her Cocktail – by Danica Ceballos

You know the saying, “This isn’t what I signed up for?” Well, in this case, this is what you signed up for.

If you don’t like a social media site for all of the notifications, tags and updates that come with it, don’t log in. Better yet, don’t sign up.

Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, Pinterest, Tumblr … the list goes on and on. Yes, it can be overwhelming. Yes, it can be annoying when people update multiple platforms of social media with the same information. And yes, those constant “selfie” posts need to go.

But this so-called “spam” is our new way of communication. Maybe you don’t like the way our generation chooses to share information, and that’s fine. But don’t complain about something you are voluntarily involving yourself in. If you have a problem with it, walk away.

If, for some reason, you absolutely cannot resist the temptation of logging in and you still find yourself “bombarded” with an overdose of certain people’s daily lives, there are these settings that you can look into: “Block, unfriend, hide from newsfeed,” maybe you’ve heard of them.

Did you ever think that people don’t update their news feeds only for you? Some of us can’t see our family members as often as we want to. Social media provides us with a quick and easy way to connect with people we wish we could visit more often in person.

Maybe I can’t sit down with my mom and show her a photo album documenting all of my spring break adventures, but I can create a Facebook album and know that she’ll be calling me in the next hour commenting on all of the pictures she was able to see. Sorry, this is my way of sharing my life with people I love. Don’t like it? Unfriend me.

As time passes, I find myself more and more distant from old friends. But when I log into a social media account and find out that my middle school friend who always dreamt of being a doctor is now heading to medical school, you can bet that I will go out of my way to congratulate him and reconnect.

It is sad that this is what society has come to. Maybe we don’t sit down for coffee with old friends as often as we want to. Maybe we don’t wait for someone to knock on our door to see how we’re doing. And maybe we are “bombarded” with everyone else’s lives.

Maybe you are special for getting a certain snapchat or Facebook message or tweet. Maybe it is more personal than you think. Maybe this is what society has come to. And maybe, we just don’t know how else to respond to it.

His Beer – by Luigi DiMeglio

‘This is what my food looks like!’

‘Look at where I am!’

‘This is the face I make in the corner instead of actually socializing!’

I don’t care.

Instagramming, tweeting or anything-ing all that makes you happy or sad is, in effect, spam. By bombarding me with your life and taunting me with the ‘Like’ and ‘Comment’ buttons (because, real talk, I would totally enjoy that beach or that pizza – and you look really nice), you are trying to get me to buy into your life. Did you know there’s a website that calculates how much your Twitter account is worth? To me, it’s worthless.

The fact that you’ve decided to occupy scrolls of my newsfeed with numerous posts instead of consolidating your chronicles into an album is the real kicker.

I don’t have a lot of loath to give for it all though. Family pictures? Like with people you don’t see all the time or who will die soon? Keep funny-looking old people coming – they are adorable. And, when I see a small pet, I can’t help but smile.

To my friends abroad: I like what you’re doing. There’s some really great stuff out there. But the Eiffel Tower… really? And you tried to make it different by calling it “Le Tour Eiffel”? I hope they pickpocket your iPhone.

I’m even spammed by the people I already see every day. Danica sends me snapchats every time she is smiling. I hate you. I know it’s not just to me either – she just sends it to all of her “friends.” Not only did I not ask for this, I’m not even special for getting it.

More than 70 percent of Earth is covered in water. If you are near a body of water, it is not that special. And if the picture of that water is posted with a filter, it doesn’t look better; you’ve just demonstrated your inability to capture appealing images on your own.

All this I’m pushing back against, but I have to reel it in too. I need damage control for incriminating pictures and posts from my own circle. That’s the only reason I’m online anyway. It’s a lose-lose for me. That’s why I want you to vote for Danica as this week’s Her Cocktail/His Beer winner in our online poll. I’m sure she’ll tweet about winning right away. Loser.

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