She Said: So fresh, so clean

The term “metrosexual” has been integrated into the dictionary as a term which depicts a well-groomed man who more or less puts gel in his hair and irons his Armani jeans. It is important for men to realize that no matter how feminine they may be, the female beauty ritual has been, and always will be, as foreign to them as tampons and Nair.

In 400 words I truly cannot divulge what a daily female beauty regime consists of, due to its comlexity. For that reason, I have compiled a list of what I consider to be the most controversial grooming topics and how each sex acts in response.

1: Shaving

Females: Shave because the male species is not fond of body hair. Wait, is that seriously the reason we shave?

Males: Shave their faces when there is a similar resemblance to Forest Gump during his running epoch.

2: Weather

Females: On a daily basis, females check the weather (prior to showering) in order to see what type of hair day it is going to be.

Males: Check the weather if, and only if, they have tickets to a sporting event which could be postponed in severe weather.

3: Clothing

Females: Will put on a new outfit for an 8 a.m. class, just to impress the Johnny Depp look alike who has never spoken to them or even acknowledged their existence.

Males: Will adorn the first article of clothing they see on the floor. Eleven o’clock classes are way too early for males to be concerned about their appearance.

4: Hygiene

Females: Will skip lunch to pay a visit to the nail salon for a quick mani/pedi, and then proceed to miss an afternoon class because there was a 25-minute wait for waxing.

Males: Will partake in proper hygiene only if one of two things is to occur. First, if their mother is coming to visit, or second, if they know their night will end with some sort of intimate relation.

5: Bras

Females: Will put off power hour just so they can get to Victoria Secret in order to purchase a bra that fits properly underneath the shirt they donned.

Males: Don’t get me started. They don’t even know the difference between a demi-cup and a demitasse.