F our years of college, damn that was fast. Why do good times always have to go quickly and crappy times take forever? My only advice to the undergrads is to enjoy every moment because before you know it, you’ll be on an eight-day drinking bender during finals in your last semester. Just appreciate your time here with your friends. After a full college career, I have learned some things along the way and I would like to pass this knowledge along to others. Never go to parties sober, always pre-game. Because you’ll be that person drinking all the beer at the party and put a bunch of you in a room, the keg will be done in two shakes of a lamb’s tail. When it’s raining, you can park pretty much anywhere. The ticket officers usually can’t stand the rain, just like Missy Elliot. And when it snows, you’re golden, because they are not going to be wiping windshields down to see which parking pass you have. Physical work is not in their job description. Always try to make friends with your professors. If you are between grades at the end of the semester, you have a better chance to bump it up if the professor likes you. A good opening line: “What do your kids do?” Most of the professors have kids, and all parents love talking about their children. Kissing butt is a virtue. Alcohol in general: beer before liquor and you’ve never been sicker. I learned that lesson the hard way my freshman year when I was found buried under the sand outside the Blarney Stone. I was trying to keep warm, I think. For most college students, your money starts to run out. So in these situations, think quantity over quality. Racks of Busch Light and a cheap bottle can be your best friends for four years. Do something during college. Just don’t sit there and let the best years of your life fly by. Join a club, a team or become an alcoholic! Just do something, but scratch that last one; too unoriginal. This is the perfect time in your life to try new things (and not drugs, young ones) but if you find yourself at the Grape on a Wednesday night, try karaoke, you never know if you can be the next pathetic sap on “American Idol”. Speaking of the Grape, this can be one of your best memories of college, or one of your worst. If you are 21 as a junior, don’t go there all the time because by the time you are a second semester senior, you’ll be getting sick of the place. Take advantage of the drink specials, tip your bartenders and after the bar, go to the Naut because that’s how it should be done. Grades are essential in college because after four years everyone is going to have to do something. Professional partier is not an option. I’m pretty sure most of the guys at the Bunny looked into that one. So at the beginning of the semester start off with good grades because nothing ruins a semester like scratching to get decent marks. Instead of boozing on a Thursday night, you might find yourself in – brace yourself – the library! And finally, a few last tips: beer goggles are trouble, Barone food will eventually kill you, don’t pass out at a party when Sharpies are in sight, go to Monday night mass, make as many friends as possible and have the best time of your life. Because we can do anything we want, we’re college students!
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