It’s about time. The sun has shone, the grass has sprung and the skies are blue. Did I mention that it’s about time? Apparently the Greenhouse Effect is shunning New England. While walking through my backyard, I noticed a garden of glittering brown bottles. Spring has finally arrived at Fairfield.
One of the primary reasons my roommates and I selected to live in the block we do was because of the spacious backyard at our disposal. We envisioned barbeques, water balloon fights and Frisbee, and our dreams came true-for about a month. Then we remembered we’re living in Connecticut. However, with the onset of the near-forgotten season, townhouse denizens can simulate the cheery, plastic exterior of modern suburbia. I am talking, of course, about lawn gnomes.
Not just lawn gnomes, however. Pink plastic flamingos and rainbow wind-stockings; smiley-face welcome mats and wind chimes; sunflower pinwheels and decals on windows-signs not only of spring, but mass consumerism to boot. Help the economy-buy a chaise lounge for the back porch. Afraid of appearing tacky in the eyes of your neighbors? Don’t fret; chances are their townhouses are tacky as well. Consider the typical townhouse décor: tube lights, posters of Dave Matthews or Monet’s water lilies adorning the walls, a smelly armchair and plastic magnets of pigs on the refrigerator. Martha Stewart living it isn’t.
In truth, many of these outdoor items likely won’t make an appearance this spring because everyone is afraid to be a trendsetter; barbeques, beach chairs, ashtrays and Frisbees certainly will. People will start socializing without the aid of alcohol, shouting, “Howdy neighbor!” and asking to borrow cups of sugar. Yes, this spring, the decoration of the season is going to be people-sunbathing, playing softball, just hanging around-and it will start to look like a college campus. The type of college campus shown during the opening credits of “90210” when the gang all went to the same school. The only difference is that our student body isn’t made up of 35-year-olds with crow’s feet and receding hairlines. Therefore, one need not worry about the lack of real “decorations” in the townhouses.
Besides, lawn gnomes are creepy.
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