So, I really liked this guy, and as far as I knew, he really liked me too. We get along great, and have become good friends.
But we have slept together on a few occasions, and had never really discussed the status of our relationship.
So the other day he told me that he just wants to be friends. He said it’s just bad timing and he doesn’t want to sleep together anymore because feelings get involved, etc.
I totally respect that, but I don’t know how to take a step backwards like that.
My feelings are already involved. He told me to call him this week so we could hang out, but I feel like the excitement is now gone because I won’t be going home with him at the end of the night.
What would be the right thing to do?
-Help restore the delicate balance
Your feelings are involved, but the excitement is gone. That’s worth noting, because if you think about it, that’s almost a polar opposites situation.
If you are developing feelings, spending time at all would create some sort of excitement. It also might create anguish, heartache, optimism that he may change his mind… all at the same time. Meanwhile, rejection would probably be the best description of the idea of not going home with him.
The question you have to ask yourself is whether or not you want him in your life at all. He never really committed to anything more than what you two did, and ultimately decided to take a step back; can you continue as friends, and do you want to keep him around as one?
Is it more worth it to break away, where you won’t be reminded of what you two had, or to stay around, because you still want him in your life at some level?
Choosing what’s best for you is the right thing to do; don’t worry about what might make him happy. He made his decision; now it’s time to make yours.
‘#61548; ‘#61548; ‘#61548;
I’ve recently become involved with the whole “friends with benefits” thing with this guy at my college who recently got out of a three year relationship. We definitely get along very well. It’s not just about hooking up but I really would like a relationship.
How do you think I should bring this up to him, and do you think he would be into it? What are your thoughts? Thanks.
-Looking for love
Some of the details here make me take pause. He just got out of a really long relationship, and you’ve so far been giving him fairly no-strings-attached options, the most attractive option to someone who is looking to enjoy a bit of freedom.
It may be a tough sell to spin this into a relationship.
Whether he’ll go for that all depends on where his priorities are at the moment.
If he’s still recovering and catching his breath from that marathon relationship (three years is no short relationship), he may not be ready for another commitment, which is why a FWB situation is all the more attractive.
Still, that might not be a show-stopper. He may want to give a more well-rounded a relationship a go, and you can’t know unless you ask.
But if that’s what your end game is, make your intentions clear before the waters get muddier and it becomes more difficult to separate emotions with erections. (That’s the best I could come up with; I wanted alliteration and I guess I got it.) In other words, before you fall deeply for him, see if a future other than a horizontal one is even potentially in the cards.
‘#61548; ‘#61548; ‘#61548;
I have a really close friend, a guy. I got drunk one Friday night and did some sexual things with him. Now he quit his job because of me and he doesn’t talk to me. He told me he just wanted to be friends…..what should I do to get our old friendship back? HELP!
-Can’t we all just get along?
He says he wants to be friends, you say you want to be friends. What’s the problem?
Oh yeah – that awkardness from the hook-up. Yeah, it happened… it’s happened before to many other friendships. How do you work around it?
The best way isn’t to ignore it – it’s now a part of your history – that is, your friendship’s baggage.
You can’t pretend it never happened, as that’ll just make things more difficult. Instead, accept it as the mistake you both decided it was, and laugh it off as an experience of life.
Good luck, and thanks for asking.
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