We took pictures for the yearbook recently and I got my proofs back – one is definitely not a picture I’d consider flattering. A friend of mine, who I showed it to while expressing my disgust, thought it was so bad it was funny, and he wanted to scan a copy of it before I had to return my proof. He offered me $20 to let him borrow it so he can save a copy on his computer. How should I tell him I don’t want to give it to him, without creating any wars?
-A picture is not worth a thousand jokes
Picture this:
He takes the copy, scans it, puts it on a poster, and tacks it up around campus in places where at least 250 people will see it at a time. Sounds like fun!
Simply be polite, yet firm, in telling him that you’d prefer that the proof get returned without anybody getting or making a copy. Tell him that it’s not your most flattering picture, and that you’d like it if the picture remains a memory, and not evidence that you had been doing some not-senior-like things before you had your picture taken (even if you haven’t, people always start thinking about it in their heads…).
If he’s a good friend, he’ll understand that you would like to be embarrassed just as much as you would like to have a wheel fall off your car. If he persists, pull out the time-honored friendship rule – “Friends don’t let friends do stupid things.” Even if the stupid thing is handing a bad picture over to said friends.
A friend of mine and I have a pretty honest relationship. Sometimes though, we’ll have a game of “Can You Top This” where we sort of go back and forth. Occasionally she’ll veer it into sex, and use as some sort of joke that I’m still a virgin. I don’t appreciate this, but I’m wondering how I can approach her about it. I’m not bothered about being a virgin, but I am upset that she’ll use that as a joke, especially when others are around.
-Sex isn’t everything
Opening up the “Idiot’s Guide to Being an Advice Columnist,” I should first applaud you on your virginity and note that you’re not alone. That sounds like good statements to say.
But that’s not the question. It’s sad to say that the joking about it is almost a form of peer pressure, which is problematic because it sounds like you’re comfortable with being a virgin. She’s trying to put a label on you, and that’s not really right.
When it comes to sex, I’m sure people prefer to be able to discuss that when they’re comfortable, and with the people they want to. If she’s bringing it up, that’s not fair to you, especially if, as you said, it sometimes happens around other people.
But then, you also say that you have an honest relationship with her. If you’re able to be open with her about your virginity, that should also indicate you have a fairly reasonable chance of her listening when you say “hey, cool it.” Let her know why you’re uncomfortable with it, and assuming you don’t do the same to her in a similar forum, I’m sure you’ll have enough grounds to win her acceptance of the concept that sex histories are to be shared only between people who decide that it’s within acceptable conversation topics. If that doesn’t work, don’t resort to her level – but just disappear for awhile and when she asks you what’s up, say you prefer to hang around friends who’ll respect their wishes.
How can I get over my phobias of gyms? Here’s my dilemma: I got a one-year membership to a gym a couple of years back. While being there in the early evening, during one of the most packed times of the day, I fell off a treadmill. Embarrassed, I never went back. I gave it another shot later on at a different gym, but I fell of a treadmill again. Advice?
-Afraid of the never-stopping floor
You really can’t make this stuff up.
My first advice is to try the Stairmaster next time, although if you fell off of that I’m sure it would just keep swinging up and hitting you in the face over and over.
To use imagery that fits in nicely with an exercise question, if you fall off your bike, just hop right back on. Gyms can be great for getting’ your flex on, and can be good for your health too.
But if you really don’t want to face your phobia, you can always look at some ways to get your exercise without getting embarrassed. The aforementioned bike-riding, running, those television ab belts, etc. Since it’s getting cold, the gym might be the easiest way, but if you don’t want to get embarrassed, considering going at off-peak hours, as that, like your cell phone, costs less if you go overboard. Good luck, and thanks for asking.
Have a question you want answered? E-mail joconnell@fairfieldmirror.com and he may answer your question in a future A Word of Advice. Questions are answered every Monday and Thursday. All questions answered in the column were submitted by college-age students and may have been edited for length and/or content.
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