Before we begin, family issues caused me to take a week off from A Word of Advice. This column is definitely alive and well, so keep sending in those questions to joconnell@fairfieldmirror.com – I’m definitely answering as many as I can in the column.
My roommate keeps hooking up in her room while I’m in the living room and usually makes demands about how loud I can be, while she’s being fairly loud herself. What can I do to ensure that I can at least enjoy my room too?
-Quiet enough to become a mime
Gotta love the “put up or shut up” argument. Fun. Only in this case, you’re doing bother – putting up with their noise, while shutting up and not disturbing their calls of nature.
While you’re not being sexiled, this ranks up there with it, and if it’s a common occurrence, it might be time for a meeting with the ‘mate. Tell her that you both are basically paying rent for the right to live there, and that you should have some chance to enjoy the living arrangements too. It sounds like you at least have the fortune of having separate rooms, but let her know that it detracts from you being able to do what you should be able to. Use school work, relaxation time, etc. as reasons and tell her that there’s motels in the area if she needs this much from a guy.
If that doesn’t work, consider buying some soundproof material and putting it up in her room. If you buy the right kind, it can be a kind of wallpaper too. Turn it into a decorative project.
And if the birthday’s coming up, consider buying them a trip for two on a holiday… well, at least to the Holiday Inn. She’ll probably appreciate the change of scenery too.
My roommate gets destructive when he’s drunk, and when he’s hanging with certain friends of his it can get quite destructive. What can I do to ensure that my stuff can’t be destroyed, or at least let him know that it’s somewhat irritating that I can’t sleep, stay in my room, etc. when he’s like that?
-Broken up over his destructive ways
Maybe you and Quiet should go to the store and buy material together… you can buy some nice padded material to put all of your expensive stuff around.
This requires some care, because you have a lot of issues you could be playing with. Does he drink a lot, and often? You might be facing the possibility of alcoholism. The people he hangs around with could trigger him to do the same thing. You can try talking to him about it (when he’s in the right frame of mind to discuss it), but if it continues, consider taking a trip to housing for a new room assignment. The minor problems with getting along with a new roommate and getting used to each other would be a relief compared to what you could be dealing with.
And of course, you’ll ensure that your valuable poster of Farrah Fawcett won’t get ripped off the wall in a drunken stupor.
My roommate has no respect for my space. He goes onto my computer, steals my food, and overall doesn’t understand that what’s mine is mine and what’s his is his. Is there any way that I can understand that I’m tired of going to the store to buy food just to have him eat most of it, and then not offer me anything?
-Hungry and angry
So he’s attempting a hostile takeover of your company’s possessions instead of paying for the stock he’s taking? Enron’s accounting wasn’t this bad.
One thing that has to be remembered about college is something that Barney and that new gum commercial is teaching: sharing is caring. However, if this person’s become such a leech that you feel like you’re married, you should talk with him about it. (Talking seems to be the answer of the day, but hey – you’re sharing a room… it’s good to get to know who you’re dealing with here.)
If that doesn’t work, consider stocking very minimal amounts of food, such as bringing the food home with you each day, staying in the room, and eating it. When the food supply is cut off, maybe he’ll learn to buy food of his own. Just be sure that you’re talking about supermarket-sized amounts of food and not corner-deli sizes… if you are complaining about a soda here and there, you’re probably making a bigger deal of this than you should.
Have a question you want answered? E-mail joconnell@fairfieldmirror.com and he may answer your question in a future A Word of Advice. Questions are answered online every Monday and Thursday. All questions answered in the column were submitted by college-age students and may have been edited for length and/or content.
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