Why is that guys and girls “can’t be friends?” Although there may be an attraction once in awhile, I would never hookup with my guy friends. But they say if there is sexual tension the friendship can never last. Is that really true?

-Really friendly girl

The tension is thick, the mood is right, but the guy’s playing Mario’s “Just a Friend” on his computer.

I come from the mindset that friendships with that spark can be some of the more fun. It’s sort of like testing the boundaries and having that constant knowledge it can’t get any farther – just like in a relationship, it keeps things quite interesting. That flirtatious banter can be quite fun, and some of my best friends are the ones that I can banter with and know I won’t get in trouble for it. It’s nice to avoid that slap on the face. Of course, if I go too far, that friend will also let me know so I won’t make an idiot out of myself when I’m getting to know someone who has relationship potential.

But the way I see it, that seems to be easier for a certain type of guy and most girls. Many guys don’t want to leave that there… it’s almost like it’s too much to resist. With the damage that cheating can do to a relationship, or what one night can do to a friendship in some circumstances, some guys would rather not take the risk. Others will keep pressing the issue if they really want more than a friendship, making things difficult on the girl until she either has to sever or curtail parts of the friendship.

Unfortunately, circumstances can spin this one of many directions, but overall I can vouch for the fact that not every friendship has to be spark-free. It’s a little bit more fun, and hey, if the friendship seems just a bit naughty, you’re getting your kicks without taking Route 66. And who knows – the way people change and evolve, something could happen. Keep reading:


My best girl friend and I have been friends since we were ten years old. I’m really starting to want to be more than friends with her. Is there an easy way to bring this up without ruining our friendship?

-The boy friend who wants to be the boyfriend

Buy her seven dozen roses and tell her you love her while in front of an arena full of 10,000 people.

Hmm. Maybe that’s a bit too drastic.

There are a couple of things to keep in mind when you do this. First, make sure you approach it at a good time. While at first, it might not seem like ANY time is a good time, there are better times than others. When he’s groaning about how she’s having a bad day, that’s probably not a good time.

Second, be careful, yet thoughtful. My example above is way too drastic – even using the L word is probably not a good idea. Instead, approach it from an I’ve-been-thinking sort of way, where you can bring it up casually.

Third, place emphasis on the fact that if she isn’t into the idea, it’s OK and that you and her can still be friends. This is the key piece to the whole situation, and it’s something that both you and her will have to make a bit of an effort on if one or the other is uncomfortable. It’s better to have a friendship vs. nothing at all.

And keep in mind that there’s definitely a chance. Some of the best relationships come from friendships. Either way, it’s better to be honest – friendships, like relationships, work best when honesty is the best policy.

But ultimately, don’t be pushy and just be open. She should appreciate the honesty and at the very least, if she’s a good friend, she won’t laugh at you in the face over this. She can save the laughs for the next time you trip over your shoelace, just like a good friend should.


My best guy friend recently started dating one of my girl friends. Now, instead of talking to me about everything like they used to, they tell me nothing. They also never seem to have time for me anymore. What do I do? They mean too much to me to lose their friendship, but I can’t stand to be neglected. Help!

-Not third wheel, but friendships have a flat

Great. Not only do your friends get all kissy kissy, but they may be (inadvertently or not) kissing your friendship goodbye? That sucks… and not from all the lip action.

It’s time to have a heart-to-heart-to-heart chat with the two of them. It may make more sense to talk to them together, since you’re all friends (or more). Let them know that you think it’s awesome (pick a different adjective though) that they’re dating, but that you want to ensure that your friendship stays intact. If you’re dating someone yourself, suggest a double date to the movies, a restaurant, or even put on those oh-so-attractive bowling shoes and knock a few down (pins, that is).

As for talking to you about things, if they’re trying to keep the details of their relationship under wraps, it’s fair that they might not want to talk to you about that. But unless they have nothing else going on in their lives, remind them that you’re always there for them in case they want to talk about anything. But as in any relationship, the trust bond forms early and often, so you can bet they turn to each other right off the bat as the first source for advice. (Sadly, I’m left out of the equation unless there are problems – but I’m here for them too) Be there in case they need advice about their relationship though – chances are they’ll use the fact that you know both of them well to help them out – presents, dates, etc.

Finally, if it’s a new relationship, they’re probably wearing it in like a new pair of shoes before they go back to the jog of life, so give it a bit of time.

Have a question you want answered? E-mail joconnell@fairfieldmirror.com and he may answer your question in a future A Word of Advice. Questions are answered every Monday and Thursday. All questions answered in the column were submitted by college-age students and may have been edited for length and/or content.

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