Tebben Gill Lopez/The Mirror

As humans, we categorize by nature — intentionally and unintentionally. We group things together in our heads — for example, school and homework, gym and sweat, Mondays and “The Bachelor.” We are probably more organized than our disheveled dorm rooms would convey, considering we even categorize one part of our lives unintentionally: texting. Here are some of the classic examples of texters that we deal with on an everyday basis.

The Delayed Responder:

More or less, this is the person you would be least likely to text in a life-or-death situation. They don’t answer for a solid hour to two. Definitely not someone I would trust with a last minute, “What’s on the test?” question. If you have anxiety to begin with, this is not someone you should text often. It would only make matters worse.

The Immediate-Responder:

You thought it was a good idea to text your friend from history about quick question you had regarding the homework, right?  Wrong. Her responses are so quick and the conversation seems to drag on forever — you barely have time to look up to see if you are about to walk down a flight of stairs or into a wall. The Immediate-Responder is usually a quick regret and you wish you had asked someone else when you’re phone is buzzing for hours after the question was posed.

The One-Word-Responder:

Looking for a conversation with a friend to talk about your feelings?  Avoid messaging these kinds of texters at all costs. They could be the peppiest, most outgoing people in person but over text, it feels like you’re pulling teeth to get an answer out of them.  It’s not that they don’t care — they just “hate texting.”

The Aspiring-Novelist:

On the other hand, if you’re looking for quick advice this is not someone to reach out to. These kinds of texters tend to give you a background story, prologue, beginning, thesis, middle, end, rising and falling action and multiple characters to their responses. If I was looking to read something as long as “The Agony and the Ecstasy,” I would have picked that up (but believe me I’m not).

The Abbreviated Texter:

These ppl don’t seem 2 hav n-y time 2 tlk bc they always abbrev their wrds. Honestly, you feel like you need to be a professional decoder in the FBI to read some of this friend’s messages — omg.

The Multiple-Un-Needed-Extra-Letters-On-The-End-Of-Words Texter:

Yesss, we allllll have thattt one friend who likesss to emphasize the lastt couple of letttters on a word to fill up the spaceee in the message bubbleee. You don’t talk like that in person, dragging out your words, so why do you write that way? Sure, we all have friends that claim to have some sort of “spirit animal,” but why did you have to be a sssnaakkkeee?

The English Teacher:

They correct your grammar, spelling and punctuation. Their best friend is the asterisk, and you feel like you need to type up a rough draft and final before sending it. The aspiring English teacher might be your best friend, but let’s face it — you’re not so relaxed when you text them just to chat because it feels like you’re writing an essay.  Personally, I find your self-righteous “spell check” to be pretentious. I definitely did not text you for a grammar lesson.

In every language, there are different dialects that people indigenous to that area talk in.  Similarly, the English language takes on a completely different dialect in the world of social media. Lyke, how long b 4 this language crawls into everyday life, you askkkk?  Well, it’s happening right before your eyes. Listen closely next time you walk through the mall and see how many different kinds of texters you can hear — omg did u hear whatttt they did???  Srsly, lyk I just do not hav time 4 dis rn.  Ugh.

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