Disaster has struck.  The world is ending.  Or at least, it might as well be, now that we are never going to be able to clone dinosaurs ever.

If you listened closely last week, you may have been able to hear the slow, guttural noises of science fiction fans everywhere dying inside, though that may have just been me exuding extra amounts of misery.

A fossil study in New Zealand has discovered that the half-life of DNA is 521 years.  In English, that means that there has not been any sort of dinosaur DNA around for a very long time.  After cell death, enzymes break down DNA bonds faster than Aunt Jemima sweetens your pancakes.  And considering dinosaurs have been dead for millions of years, the DNA has all shriveled away into a microverse far beyond our scientific reach.  There is literally nothing for our dear scientists to work with anymore.

“Jurassic Park” could have been a thing.  There were rumors swirling around a year ago about eccentric billionaire Clive Palmer.  He was supposedly in talks with scientists on cloning dinosaurs so he would be able to let them loose on his Palmer Resort in Coolum.

While people may find him nuts, especially since he also wanted to make another “Titanic,” I must admire him for his ambition and willingness to fulfill the dreams of the many at his own literal expense.  This is a man who has been cheated of establishing a legacy that would have catapulted the world into a new era: an era of wonder, fulfillment and fantasy.

But instead we must settle for studying the scraps, gazing longingly at a bunch of rocks, taunting and reminding us of what could have been, rather than what could be.  Bingo Players fangirls may constantly lament at never being able to get in their idols’ pants, but at least it is somewhat remotely possible.

The only way to salvage this situation is to invent time travel.  So what if science has discovered we can only move forward in time?  We could do it the same way Futurama handled it: traveling to the end of the universe far enough that it cycles back to the Big Bang, the creation of another universe.

There is the chance of death and never returning, but I personally would volunteer to pioneer on this venture despite the risks, for the sake of mankind.

I have riding and taming a T-Rex on my bucket list and I will not stand for compromise.

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