6 a.m., been stuck in a foxhole wide awake all night waiting for the enemy, the pouring rain has us covered in gravy, and the fun dip from the ground is stuck in our licorice boots. We stacked up mounds of mashed potatoes to protect against sniper fire but the gravy washed it all away. Now we don’t even have a pat of butter to cover our cabbage heads. Johnny Appleseed got picked off in the night, poor son of a bitch didn’t see it coming. “Barley’s in the trees man, he’s in the trees,” he murmured before a hard candy round punched a hole in his head. “Water…water please, somebody get me some water.” Julius Pringles had been in no mans land since dawn, coughing up chips with each painful breath. Captain Crunch yelled out to us, “No one move from their position! Toucan Sam is taking pot shots from the tree lines!” Chester Cheeto didn’t get the memo though, he hopped out of the hole and jumped the ribbon candy barbed wire, making a beeline for Julius Pringles. Next thing we know there was a boom, and Chester Cheeto was no more. Bloody Mary’s rained down on us, that wannabe hero had tripped a Skittles land mine, and boy did we taste the rainbow that morning.
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