1) “Moves Like Jagger” by Maroon 5 (ft. Christina Aguilera)


Welcome back, Maroon 5! Now, what happened to your alternative ways? The first thing I thought of when I heard this song is: this will definitely be played at Prez Ball and everyone will scream when it does. Clearly it’s about the singer bragging about the fact that he’s as awesome as Mick Jagger. Maybe I’m in denial, but I don’t know very much about Mick Jagger, and I certainly don’t think of him as this man with gnarly dance moves and being an overall cool dude (embarrassingly enough, when I think of Mick Jagger, I think of the rumors about him being Ke$ha’s father). Looking at these repetitive and weird lyrics, it seems like the singer is trying to have sex with whomever he’s singing to (shocker!) “Take me by the tongue and I’ll know you, kiss me ‘til you’re drunk and I’ll show you all the moves like Jagger,” he says.

If he needs to get a girl drunk to prove he has moves like Jagger, he’s probably an arrogant jerk looking for some a$$. Was Christina Aguilera’s solo in it necessary? Probably not. I bet Adam and Christina were backstage during The Voice and Christina was crying about how her career is over and Adam felt bad so he let her do a song with his band. It doesn’t take much to make it to top five on Billboard, sadly enough.

2) “Someone Like You” by Adele


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Adele has a good voice and writes beautiful lyrics, so she deserves her spot at number two. Can anyone take a wild guess as to what this song is about? Yes! Another song about her ex-boyfriend! In this song, she pictures the future where her ex has a new life but she can’t let go and still wants him back. Her album 21 says one thing loud and clear: Breakups Suck. Which they do… but I hope Adele can move on and do something more than bump up half her hair, wear a black dress, and sing into a microphone while waving her long fingernails around and closing her eyes. I just don’t know if I can see her as anything else but that.

3) “Pumped Up Kicks”

by Foster the People


I remember my friend saying that she was embarrassed to listen to this song alone because of how sick the lyrics were. Personally, I think these lyrics are amazing. The band (full of really attractive members, might I add) is expressing their view on children these days. Yeah, you can listen to these lyrics and think, “Oh my god, this is about a kid who is going to kill other kids!” But is it Foster the People’s fault? No… Blame the media, blame parents, blame Disney! This song is about isolation, being an outcast, and seeing the world through this boy’s eyes. Unfortunately, a lot of kids feel this way on the inside but no one realizes until it’s too late. Listeners shouldn’t feel weird for liking this song, because clearly no one likes it because of the meaning; they just like the tune. And thank god people are turning over a new leaf for indie rock. Let indie take over!

4) “Party Rock Anthem” by LMFAO (ft. Lauren Bennett & GoonRock)


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I. Can’t. Stand. This. Song. My friend played it for me, thinking I’d like the dance bits because I have a soft side for techno but it didn’t hit me like Pendulum did. (Pendulum Plug! Listen to them, they are phenomenal.) Then I hear this song again on television as my family is watching So You Think You Can Dance and my dad is dancing along. Sickening. And THEN there are creepy hamsters dancing to it in those Kia car commercials. Enough! I can’t take it anymore! Another song about getting drunk and degrading women: “One more shot for us, another round. Please fill up my cup, don’t mess around. We just wanna see you shake it now. Now you wanna be, you’re naked now.” How nice. I smell a one-hit wonder!

5) “Stereo Hearts” by Gym Class Heroes (ft. Adam Levine)


This is a cute song; I’m not going to lie. And look at Adam Levine, that lucky boy gets numbers one and five! What a guy. Okay, it’s not difficult to figure out that this song compares a man’s love for a girl to a stereo: “Make me your radio, turn me up when you feel low.” It reminds me of “In My Head” by Queens of the Stone Age, which is about how the singer plays a song when he misses his girlfriend. It’s just a love song full of metaphors that are spelled out for you to pick up on. Why is this song on the top five, in my opinion? The chorus. Adam Levine has a beautiful voice and the chorus has a good beat, which makes it easy to listen to and to sing along to. I still don’t really understand the popularity around Gym Class Heroes, but whatever they are doing is right– for now, at least.

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