“It feels like we’ve been here for seven years,” said Jessica Cuntrera ‘22 on Nov. 1 at midnight in between verses of “All I Want For Christmas Is You,” because she’s that kind of person. “But also like it hasn’t been longer than two days… I’m so confused!”

The Concept of Time has been missing on campus for two months now, both confusing and frustrating students who would rather speed through their midterms and get through the first semester as quickly as possible. “It’s just not fair,” lamented Tim Amarante ‘22. “I feel like these past few weeks have gone by even slower. The pace is positively glacial.”

There’s no other explanation: The Concept of Time has died. The glacial passing of days will continue on Fairfield University’s campus until further notice.

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-- News Editor Emeritus -- English Creative Writing

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