HE Said…

Dating is one of the great joys of being single. Being able to take out one girl on Friday night and then another on the next night. However, with all the different girls and different dates taking place a good date is no guarantee. Occasionally, a date will be marred by a mismatch, mishap, and or misfortune. If you really like her peaches, and you shake her tree, sometimes you’ll get a rotten fruit.

It takes a lot more than a pretty face and a tight bottom to make a date work. You need to have a good rapport with your date. I don’t know what is worse; a girl that makes you do all the talking or one that makes your ears bleed. You need to be matched up with someone that will know the right balance of talking and listening. You can tell immediately on a date if it is going to be hell if this balance isn’t established early on, its like sitting through an episode of the Rosie O’Donnell show.

There are certain things you have no control over on a date. A date going wrong is like a snowball down a hill. You know it is only going to get worse and it is inevitable that it’s going to be painful. A prime example of this is getting the runs or constipated on a date. No need to elaborate any further, you can imagine the possibilities. Every other mishap is insignificant, except maybe being unable to function from too much boozing.

Nothing kills the mood of a date like a protective roommate. She takes the place of the protective dad from high school you would meet when picking her up. She is more threatening than a dad who meets you while cleaning his .45 or sharpening his axe. This girl is around your date at all hours of the day when she sleeps, when she studies, and when she goes in pair to the bathroom at a party. This is the worst thing that can happen on a date, getting on the bad side of the roommate and having her ruin your chances for another date.

The only way to get over a bad date is to get back out there and date again. Don’t let this get you down, keep the faith cause you’ll find someone eventually after many many bad experiences. She’ll be worth the pains of constipation, trust me.

SHE Said…

There is nothing worse than a bad date. It’s just you and him and if the date sucks, you have no where to go. I thought forever about this one and I came up with my “top three worst date scenarios.”

Third on the list has got to be bumping into an old flame. Nine times out of ten the new schmuck buying you dinner won’t know the other guy is your ex, but it can cause an incredibly uncomfortable situation for you.

The one sure way to avoid this is to go somewhere different. Don’t go to your recent ex’s favorite hangout. For example, during the Brenda/Dylan years of the best show ever – 90210 – it would have been stupid for Brenda to take Dean Cain to the Peach Pit after she and Dylan just broke up. (If you know what I’m talking about, you get extra points.)

Second on the list is unidentifiable green “shnaz” between the ol’ front teeth. Is it broccoli? Is it spinach? Who really cares, all your date knows is that there will be no good night kiss for you when he drops you off.

I have no idea if I’ve ever been caught with the green “shnaz” between my teeth, although it could explain a few first dates gone bad. Anyway, a little trick I use is to always ask for a straw with your drink. When he’s not looking pick that sucker out. Ok, if that’s too weird for you, sneak a pocket mirror in your purse and periodically check your tooth situation. It’s worth it.

The number one most embarrassing thing that could happen to a girl is most definitely getting her ‘girlie girl’ mid-date. Call it what you want, but getting your flow will make both girl and guy go running. This situation is undeniably the worst because there is nothing you can do. Unless, of course, you usually bring a change of clothes wherever you go.

The solution to this problem is super embarrassing, unfortunately I know this. I think the best way to handle it is to make some sort of joke out of it. Don’t ignore it, because once you stand up, there’s no way he’ll be able to ignore it. If the guy comes to your rescue and runs to the 24-hour CVS, you know you found a winner.

The best way to avoid the worst date is obvious. Bring protection. Ah, hem… tampons, of course.

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