As winter’s cold weather continues into March, many Fairfield students anxiously await the arrival of Spring Break. Where will I be heading you ask? The wildly-popular spring break destination of Boston, Mass. Don’t hate- I heard Revere Beach is beautiful this time of year.
The truth is, Revere Beach isn’t beautiful any time of the year. For a fourth consecutive spring break, I am literally left out in the cold. As the bulk of my friends head for alcohol-fueled hedonism in the beach-front hotels of Acapulco, I’ll be headed to Mass and Pa Dukes’ house, where the highlight of my spring break will be drinking their beers alone in the basement while watching the Celtics’ get their asses kicked. Good times.
In an effort to avoid this fate, I’m formally announcing the inception of the “Send Dan McClorey on Spring Break Charitable Organization of Charity Fund” (SDMSBCOCF). For a one-time-suggested donation of $1, you can become a part of this philanthropic organization and if you believe that funding a charity to benefit myself doesn’t qualify as philanthropy, I say that you’re simply jealous that you didn’t think of the idea first.
Fairfield University has roughly 4,000 students enrolled and, despite the fact that the typical content in this column barely resembles anything remotely journalistic, I figure about 1,000 of you guys and gals are loyal readers. Now do the math assuming each of you donated just $1 …don’t worry, I’ll wait.
I figure that this foundation will need two things to succeed. First, a charitable public willing to donate a small fortune (you), and second, a person insane enough to shamelessly beg for donations to fund a cause as unholy as sending oneself on a spring break trip (me). I’m doing my job to keep my dream alive, will you do yours?
I’m as serious as a heart attack. Look, this ain’t a paying gig and I’d like to think I’ve said at least one amusing thing this year. The least I’ve done with this column is allow the female readership a chance to look at my incredibly handsome mug every week. This must be worth something and right now I believe that something is fulfilling a young man’s dream.
If you believe as well, please send a cash or check donation in care of the “Send Dan McClorey on Spring Break Charitable Organization of Charity Fund” to 1008 Fairfield Beach Rd., Fairfield CT 06824, because it is never too late to keep hope alive. Don’t let watching wet t-shirt contests on the Internet be the closest I’ll ever get to spring break.
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