Hey. I think I’m gay. Help me out. I think about girls all the time. I love breasts and butts. I even watch lesbian porn. I still like guys though. I think I just have to experience it once and then my curiosity phase will be over. I don’t want to end up like an uber-dyke.
One of my friends brought it out of me. She is sorta gay. She liked this girl, they talked, the girl said they were getting too close, and moved on to another girl. My friend was really hurt.
We used to stay up all night, or when I was at work, just talking on the phone. We had sexual talks, and even expressed our love for one another. I asked her if she would date me and she said that she would if she didn’t know me.
I told her that I would totally date her. She has the greatest breasts and butt. I can see us together.
So tell me am I gay? I can still see myself with guys. Maybe we can have a big orgy?
-Sexual question
For some help on the topic, I called in an expert. Ashley is a friend of the column who has some experience in this arena. Here’s what she had to say:
“For most girls, the high school and college years are full of experimentation. It’s not hard to deny that the female body is beautiful. Breasts and great butts are an anomaly that humans have pondered for – well, since we could think. Women as creatures are gorgeous, and it is no surprise that in a time in your life you would start to see them as more than just friends.”
So are you gay? “I strongly caution you about using the word ‘Lesbian’ or even ‘Bisexual’ unless you are certain about where you stand on these issues,” Ashley said. “Gay women do not want to date men – in fact most can hardly even fathom kissing one, and don’t think about what it would be like to date them.
“Girls these days throw around the word “bisexual” all too often: ‘Oh my god! I TOTALLY think I’m Bi because I kissed Kristen at the beach last week and I didn’t hate it!’ They use it as a lure for boys: ‘wanna see us make-out!?’
As far as acting on it, Ashley said, “If you want to date a woman who feels the same way about you as you do her, go for it! Many girls find solace in a relationship with someone who is on the same emotional plane as them and find comfort in having a ‘best friend’ and a ‘lover,’ but be wary of coming out to your parents or friends at first, because this could just be an experimental phase in your life. Some things are best kept private until you’ve completely sorted them out.” That might help you avoid the oober-dike problem.
If you are gay, don’t hide it. “If you find that you are truly gay and this is the life you choose to live, coming out is your only option if you want to live a happy life,” Ashley noted. “Perhaps enlisting the support of your amazing friends here on campus or a guidance counselor will help you how in deciding the best way to ‘drop the bomb.'”
Thanks to Ashley for her help on this matter. As for the question of whether you are gay, simply experiment. It’s easier to figure it out when you find out what really floats your boat. But if after some experimentation you find guys and girls appealing, bisexual you are. If you find yourself mostly or even totally set on one or the other, that’s what you are.
It’s rare to find a 100 percent straight or gay person (at least in private); these things regularly come in shades of gray.
‘#61548; ‘#61548; ‘#61548;
I’m a gay guy and have a thing for a friend of mine. He doesn’t know that I’m gay and I’m pretty sure he’s straight. His friendship means a lot to me and I don’t want to mess that up, but on the other hand it’s becoming more difficult to avoid what I’m feeling. Should I get over my nerves and just let him know?
-Attracted and unsure
Let’s weigh the options. You can not tell him, keep something personal from him and do your best to hide it. The feelings might pass, but if this isn’t just your everyday flavor-of-the-moment kind of thing it could become more difficult if those feelings grow. Or, you tell him, being completely honest, and brace for impact if that’s not his thing.
Option two is more attractive, and here’s why: it’s a win-win situation. If he is actually into it, then that’s great and things work out for the best. If he’s not into it, but he’s still willing to be friends, you’ve taken a big step in being honest and true to who you are, and that will strengthen the friendship, just as I advised the first writer above.
But if he not only turns you down, but has some big chip on his shoulder about homosexuality which turns him into something only seen in 50s horror flicks, you’ve still made the right decision. Why? Anyone who can’t accept you for who you are is not a good friend to have.
You’ve got a piece of your life you’ve kept concealed from him, and so, tell him, and after the initial shock wears off, you’ll see his true colors on the subject and can decide if he’s worth having as a friend, or if something more might come out of it.
Since you’re unsure about his sexuality, you’d be testing the waters a little more than the average person would, but it’s still for the best – a snow storm’s not going to bury you if this doesn’t go the way you want it to go.
Good luck, and thanks for asking.
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