Graduation, one of the most memorable days in a student’s life. You remember all moments of that day: receiving your diploma, throwing your cap in the air, and who your commencement speaker was, for better or worse.
Schools get everyone and anyone to speak at their graduations. Clint Eastwood spoke at Wesleyan a couple years back. Stephen King speaks at graduations in Maine nearly every year. Fairfield had Leonard Bernstein, a world famous composer, speak months before his death.
Right now, the university is choosing this year’s graduation speaker. Personally, there are four people I would like to see speak here. They are as the following:
I would like to see Harrison Ford give a commencement speech. He went from being a carpenter in Hollywood to being one of the most recognizable and richest actors in the world. He has been in numerous hit movies and starred in two of the greatest movie series of all time, Indiana Jones and the Star Wars series. He’s also in his sixties and dating Calista Flockhart, a twenty-something. I’m sure his speech would be interesting and entertaining.
Bill Gates would be an interesting choice. Gates could talk about his wonderful donations to charity and the rewards of giving. Or he could talk about how he’s attempting to control the world with Windows and Microsoft. In the spirit of this being a Jesuit University, he should speak about his charity work, but I’d rather see him give a speech on being the ruler of an evil empire.
Robin Williams would be the funniest. He is, in my humble opinion, the best comedian alive. He is both vulgar and highbrow. I don’t know if Father Kelley could deal with Williams talking about sex, drugs, and alcohol, but I’m positive that the students could. His speech would definitely leave the graduates with many fond, funny memories of the ceremony.
My last choice may seem odd to you but it makes a lot of sense. I want to see Hulk Hogan speak at graduation. He would come onto the stage with Real American playing and walk up to the microphone with a traditional gown on. He would tear the microphone right out of the podium and begin to rant and rave about Hulkamania and vitamins. Then he would grab his gown and rip it right down the middle to expose his trademark yellow shorts. He wouldn’t even have to give a real speech. Just do Hulkamania and he would be every person in the audience’s hero.
I hope Fairfield officials take a look at this column and seriously consider my choices. I am sure that if any of these people were chosen, graduation would be remembered at this school for a very long, long time.
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