It’s no secret that Fairfield women happen to be amongst the top collegiate fashionistas – our school is known for featuring A-list fashion to match our famously beautiful faces.

But however savvy we claim to be, there’s an invisible line that seems to be crossed again and again: the division between sexy and skanky.

Now don’t get me wrong, there’s a time for being skanky! Of course, that time is a crazy townhouse or beach party where the only objective is to attract a drunken brute with an eye for cleavage.

I’m neither condoning nor condemning this behavior. If you want to be a party skank, it’s fine with me (and all of my boyfriend’s housemates). Our society expects this at parties.

The problem arises when skanky clothes are worn during the day.

While tight jeans are sexy, a flabby beer gut hanging over the waistband is not. I’ve seen several girls exhibiting theirs with navel rings.

Seriously, girls, the point of jewelry is to accentuate what is already beautiful. Flaunt it if you’ve got it. Otherwise, spare the rest of us.

Also not sexy are the butt cleavage and colorful thongs. Think a guy will go crazy over seeing a thong peeking out? If he’s a Fairfield guy, chances are high that it’s not the first thong he’s ever seen, and it most definitely won’t be the last.

As for makeup, so many girls are dedicated to fake-baking, bleaching hair to within an inch of its life and drawing on eyebrows. Virtually everyone knows that tanning booths are cancerous, and death is something universally unattractive.

It’s not like guys enjoy seeing any of this.

One Fairfield senior remarked, “Look, I don’t wear muscle shirts because my muscles are limited to show off. Girls should follow my lead, especially the ones who wear clothes four sizes too small.”

Another added, “I love it when girls wear tight black pants, but not when their fat hangs over the edge!”

And you believe they find you attractive? It seems like it’s time for a change.

In the meantime, here are a few tips to deskankify yourself:

When buying pants, wrap the waistband around your neck. If it fits, they’ll fit you perfectly and no flab will hang over the edge.

If you MUST wear a miniskirt, top it off with a long-sleeved shirt, preferably one with a boat-neck and sleeves dangling over your hands. Keep the heels low and the hair up.

Overall, try to be classy. You’ll look much nicer and feel much better about yourself. When you’re self-confident, you immediately become more attractive to others. And wasn’t that your point in the first place?

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