All Men are Afraid of the ‘C’ Word…
Posted by Juliana Staab at 10:50 am 479 Comments Print
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College and commitment are two words that have virtually never been related in a guy’s world.
While girls are in pursuit of it, guys try to avoid it like the plague. College has become a man’s sexual haven: exploits and experimentation with no strings attached. It is their first place where they are free to roam and explore their sexuality. And it is their last place where they will all run free together. The good old days. The days where they don’t have wives, kids, jobs, bills or responsibilities. It is the place where they are becoming men; where they can make mistakes and blame it on their immature boyishness. Whereas girls, or women, who have already matured, who just want to settle down and who want to know who their future husband-to-be is, just want to stop “wasting” time. This is why college “relationships” can be defined in two words: confusing and fake. Confusing because the girl always has the “C” word in the back of her mind, and the guy does not yet have it in his dictionary. Fake, because they aren’t real.
So, are college guys really afraid to commit? Or is this just a myth? Before college, I believed it to be a myth. My choice in school even was slightly based on the statistic that “60 percent of Fairfield graduates marry Fairfield graduates.” But after walking around campus, there is a disturbing lack of couples holding hands. Now that I think about it, I never see couples period. I decided to ask my third-year friends what the deal was.
“I have no idea how that statistic is true. Third-year is exactly like first year; all of the guys are still messing around. We are just all hoping that during fourth year all of this changes and they start to get serious. But honestly, I can’t see that happening,” said one.
Listening to my friends’ stories, and stories about their friends, and stories about their friends’ friends, it seems as if all of these college boys are the same: they like to keep their options open. And after just a few weeks my personal experience has proved to be the same. The following are true stories, each from a college friend, about the different types of college relationships, all ending up being the same: nothing.
“Friends, with Benefits:” Well, we were friends. Close friends. We were constantly together. It was perfect. He was my Ying and I was his Yang. I knew that he wasn’t hooking up with anyone else. Just me. I could hear the wedding bells; I had finally found the one. My friends told me not to get my hopes up, but I knew that we would be a couple. I would just have to be patient. Before I knew it, one month became two, two months became three, and three became the end of the school year. I was so confused. I thought that all of the best relationships started as friendships. I thought I knew him so well. But I guess not. I confronted him about it. He told me “he didn’t want to ruin the friendship with an official title”. I just realized, he was afraid of commitment.
“The Drunk Hookup:” Being drunk makes everything less awkward, makes me less awkward. That night, I saw the man of my dreams. He was the guy I had seen around school. He wasn’t gorgeous, but there was something about his eyes. I heard about him through my friends and they all approved: he was a keeper. So I decided this was the night I would do something about it. So, we hooked up. I thought I would hear from him the next day. Or was it the day after? Or maybe it would be never. I guess it didn’t mean anything to him, because I heard through the grapevine that since he was drunk it “didn’t mean anything”. Well, it meant something to me.
“Future Fiancé”: He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me not. He loves me. My actual nine-month boyfriend-girlfriend relationship with my ex was all about the “I love you”. I named our children, planned our wedding, planned our honeymoon, found a safe neighborhood to live in … you know, the normal stuff when you get really serious with a guy. Whenever I would mention any of it to him though, he would just nod his head and laugh. I confronted him about it, then, I ended it. I realized what my friends said were right: this wasn’t a real committed relationship; it was just an easy, safe hookup.
“Hooking Up:” I just hookup with random guys because I’m hoping that one of them will remember how good it was with me, that it was different and special with me. And so I found him. The one. Yeah, we weren’t official or anything. I guess you could say that we were just hooking up. But it seemed like something more. All the best relationships start with knowing you’re attracted right? But I was wrong. Even though he told me I was the only one, I wasn’t. It seemed that there is a huge difference between “going out” and “hooking up”. I just became one of many.
My Story: The “Future Relationship:” I haven’t known this guy for too long, about a month now. But he is my best friend. I am either always with him, always talking to him, or always talking about him. I don’t know when our friendship turned into something more, but it definitely changed. It became a mutual understanding that we liked one another. In the end, I guess it wasn’t meant to be. I brought it up, and he ran scared; telling me to “take it day by day”, “don’t rush anything”, “we’ll see what happens”, “I want to get to know you more”, and my personal favorite, “I don’t want to ruin the friendship.” While I guess all of those statements are realistic, is love ever really realistic? Why avoid and deny feelings that are already there? Why be afraid to commit?
On all different levels of “relationships” men are afraid. Afraid to begin something that could end up being real. Afraid to let their feelings get “too involved”. Therefore, I must conclude that guys are indeed afraid of commitment. They somehow find an excuse, a loophole to avoid getting attached. Point-blank: for men, college and commitment are simply incompatible.
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