Many of us grow up hearing from parents or other adults that there is only one “right” way to do college. They tell us that college is supposed to be “the best years of your life” or that they “wish they could go back.” I entered my freshman year believing that narrative. I imagined myself with a big friend group, a boyfriend, and strong grades by the end of my first semester. My expectations were especially high because of my mom’s experience. She went to a large university, was in one of the top sororities, and balanced it all while being pre-med. She often tells me she wishes she could “switch places with me,” and man, I wish she could.
By the end of my first semester, that vision had completely unraveled. I hadn’t found my people, I didn’t have a boyfriend, and I was trying to keep up with my grades. I felt deeply disappointed in myself, like I was failing, not just college, but the opportunity my parents had worked so hard to give me.
During break, I listened to my hometown friends talk about how amazing their colleges were, how many friends they had made, and how excited they were to return. Meanwhile, I couldn’t even bring myself to look at a calendar. Every passing day just felt like a countdown to a place I didn’t want to be.
When I got back to campus, I started noticing how much I was measuring myself against everyone else. I would see big friend groups in the dining hall and assume they had everything figured out. I would hear people talking about going out every weekend and feel like I was doing college wrong. I would beat myself up for going home on weekends, telling myself that if I were doing this “correctly,” I wouldn’t want to leave. It felt like everyone else had received a college guidebook that I somehow missed.
But slowly, I started realizing that there isn’t just one version of the college experience. Some people find their best friends during orientation. Others don’t meet their closest people until sophomore or even junior year. Some students love being on campus every weekend, while others recharge by going home. Some thrive socially right away but struggle academically. Others focus on grades first and friendships later. None of these paths are wrong; they’re just different.
The pressure to fit into one box makes it easy to believe that if your experience doesn’t look a certain way, you’re failing. But college isn’t a race to build the perfect life in one semester or even in four years. It’s a transition, and transitions are messy. There is time to meet your people. There is time to figure out what you enjoy. There is time to grow into a version of college that actually fits you, instead of forcing yourself into someone else’s.
I’m still figuring it out. I still have weekends where I go home. I still catch myself comparing my experience to everyone else’s. But I’m starting to realize that doing college differently doesn’t mean doing it wrong; it just means I’m finding my own pace. And maybe we all need to be a little less hard on ourselves. Not everyone meets their best friends in the first month. Not everyone loves every second of freshman year. Not everyone wants to stay on campus every weekend. College doesn’t have to fit a single perfect image to be meaningful. There is time to meet your people, time to make memories, and time to grow into the experience that’s right for you. Maybe college isn’t about having it all figured out right away, but maybe it’s about giving ourselves the space to figure it all out.