His iPhone: Parting Words Of Wisdom From Yours Truly

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Today I get to say goodbye to the iPhone and BlackBerry column, which has had about seven different names this year. It is sad to say I won’t be able to take any more shots at BlackBerry Girl and argue about who read whose story first. We are supposed to offer you all the advice we can in this last issue on everything we have learned at our time at Fairfield.

All I really know is that college is nothing like the ridiculous tours you go on when you are first looking at schools and too many people try to make it like the movies they have seen.

A wise man once said, any college besides a military school is just an excuse for a huge four-year sleepover. Never could truer words be said. Everybody is so busy trying to make these four years the best years of their lives, which is somehow a perfect excuse for immaturity. Alcohol companies should really thank whoever came up with the phrase, “The Best Four Years Of Your Life”

This column often suggests how to take advantage of “The Best Four Years Of Your Life,” and in the past that has gotten this column in trouble. At the end of the day it is not about being Joe College but finding a way to get the most out of every aspect of college, something I have yet to master. The worst feeling though, is looking back and realizing that for all those stories you have, there is something you missed. Any senior (or socially a senior & academically a junior) will tell you if you have the chance to do anything, do it. Otherwise you are left trying to do everything you wanted in the last few weeks of school during your senior year. But enough with the sentimental rant I added to fill space…

The Core, as much as Fairfield wants us to say that it is more of a blessing than a curse, is NOT helpful. It brings down most peoples GPA’s and if you are a junior or senior there are certain teachers in certain Core requirements that hold it against you for taking their class at the last moment. I don’t want to name names but, freshmen, take your religions and your philosophy classes next year before it is to late.

Something I have learned from reading every story about love that comes to The Mirror is that girls can’t seem to understand why guys don’t want a relationship. The answer is not rocket science: if a guy can go out on a Friday night and find satisfaction, why would he ever enter a relationship? I realize that the benefits of a relationship might seem clear to some, but the old saying stands true–why buy a cow when you can get the milk for free?

So for those girls who want a relationship in college, it’s going to be an uphill battle. Until you can get every girl to stop giving it away for free, those articles written by a freshman girl every year will continue to come to The Mirror.

Public Safety: They are not as bad as you think. I have spent entire nights riding around with public safety officers for stories for The Mirror, from overzealous to nonchalant ones, and at the end of the day they really just want everyone to be safe. I know you have a story about when they did something horrific, but usually you are drunk and if you were sober you would have reacted completely differently.

BlackBerry girl does such a good job at ripping the administration that I really don’t want to steal her thunder; I just have to agree with her that Liberal Arts really means liberal re-education. I give her props for sitting in class after class and hearing Fox News get bashed by lobbyists… I mean Professors… and then go to her internship two times a week and accept a job at Fox.

Well, it has been a great year. I hope you have all enjoyed the banter between BlackBerry girl and me. I really don’t know what else there is to complain about Fairfield because, the truth is, I love this school as much as it constantly drives me crazy. I hope you guys enjoy the new writers of iPhone and BlackBerry.

P.S. BlackBerry Girl, the only reason I still wear a hat four years later is because I have a lot less hair than when you first thought it was a cute look.

P.S.S. If you are one of those people who does not take your stuff off your table in Barone and leaves it there instead, there is a special place in hell for you.

Sent from my iPhone

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