In most cases a man should be happy for a friend who’s just getting involved with a new girl. It’s a new and exciting time for your boy until his new girlfriend turns into Norman Bates and all of the sudden you’re not allowed to hang out with a kid you’ve known forever.
In this situation, it is necessary to break up the relationship in order to save your friend from a life being owned by a member of the opposite sex. Failure to intervene immediately can result in a disaster much similar to one that my group of friends experienced not too long ago.
Our buddy-we’ll call him “Dude” for the remainder of the article-was a real nice kid. However, he was definitely not a ladies man.
Dude was still holding on to his V-card during sophomore year when he met a young lady from his hometown. Shortly after they met, Dude and his lady consummated their relationship and it was all downhill from there.
So excited by the fact he was having sex, Dude failed to realize that his girlfriend was controlling his everyday life. Over the remainder of the year we saw less and less of Dude, as he went home to visit his girl.
Dude has since dropped out of Fairfield University and currently resides in Florida with his girlfriend and a leash wrapped snugly around his genitalia.
It’s a true story barring the leash part, and there is a moral to be learned from it. Don’t let your friend end up like Dude. It’s a sad thing to not be able to graduate with a kid that you’ve known since freshman year.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that all girlfriends are bad news, because they are not. Almost all women are capable of making their boyfriends better people.
One fine day I will find my better half and she will be able to give me a look that says, “Eric, not a good idea,” as I’m about to chug my fourteenth beer and run through my office party naked.
It is when your buddy ends up with an annoying, overbearing, controlling wench that you must interfere. Get him really drunk, tell him that you saw her cheat on him, and then point him in the direction of the girl who appears to have the lowest self-esteem at the bar.
If this fails, continue to do whatever it takes until his poisoned mind finally realizes that there are better fish in the sea. He’ll be mad at first that he’s temporary lost his guaranteed source of ass, but after he realizes the eternal suffering you’ve saved him from, he’ll thank you in the long run.
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