She said

Hello, my name is Lauren Wilson. I never give advice or opinions without a disclaimer. This is most likely a by-product of my awkward “don’t look at me” mid-teen phase when I had neither boobs nor a curfew past 10:30.

For example, if a friend asks me what I think of a newly purchased Von Dutch Hat. I first have to qualify that due to my abnormally small head, I have developed a particular aversion to any adornment that attracts attention to my disproportionality.

Or my mom asks what it’s like to live down at the beach. Before jumping into the fact that my car has already been towed and fireworks set off in my backyard drawing a half dozen of Fairfield ‘s finest law enforcers, I open with precursory reminders that I get great grades, have never been pregnant, and have never dated anyone with a criminal record (minus public urination charges).

Following, opinions I give in writing and then published in the “She Said” should definitely have their own disclaimers.

Please note nothing contained herein is advice or experience that has brought about much long-term success with men…ahm, boys. In truth, my ‘expertise’ on guys has proven to be of little use, propelling me into week long relationships to which there is never any commitment given by either party albeit the rare agreement of ‘just hook up status’.

I also will most likely fail to give any rational explanation as to why guys are confusing and unpredictable. Although I have had more male friends than female, it is impossible to be an expert as to what they expect from girls at any particular moment in time.

Nor do I pretend to have any deeper understanding of their thoughts. (I think it goes without saying that a mind that thinks about sex and sports more or less a hundred times a day will perpetually be a mystery to the feminine mystique.)

There is also a marginal-to almost-sure possibility that my column will not even be on the same topic as the “He Said” writer some weeks. I have been told by Mr. Chuck Kehoe that one cannot possibly rush greatness and solidify a topic commitment in advance. The best articles are apparently often written post 2 a.m., six beers down on deadline night regardless of all previous discussion.

I simply offer my female opinion to counter those of our seemingly less emotional and one-dimensional male counterparts. Whether these opinions are helpful or insightful is debatable, but I did write the disclaimer.