Limp Bizkit – Results May Vary: Unfortunately for Fred Durst, results do not vary on this festering sore of an album. The results from critics were clear and universal: every song sucks. The only thing worse then a post 1998 Limp Bizkit album is Durst’s delusional obsession that he has “hooked up” with every female star in showbiz from Britney Spears to Angelina Jolie. Fred, please do us all a favor and crawl back into whatever hole you came out of.
Da Band – “Too Hot for TV”: If you’d watch the show, you’ll know that P.Diddy played the members of his reality TV project like puppets. Are we really supposed to believe lyrics about selling bags of cocaine when they were whipped enough to trek into Brooklyn just to buy some suit a piece of cheesecake? It’s like listening to the cast of the “Real World” do an album together – yuck.
Nick Lachey – SoulO and Jessica Simpson – In This Skin: Since they’re married I figured I could lump these “Newlyweds” together. Honestly, I love these guys – if you’ve ever seen their show, it’s hard not to like them. Their music? That’s another story. Even the titles of the CD – particularly Lachey’s irksomely titled first solo album – made me slightly queasy. If their marriage remains as strong as their obsessions with shallow, mind numbing music, I have a feeling they’ll be together for a long time.
Kelly Osbourne – Shut Up: See record title. Honestly, this album is like the antithesis of every Ozzy album every made. I got an ear infection just listening to it. With a sister like this, it’s no wonder Jack had a drug problem. Shut up!
Britney Spears – In The Zone: On the pop-princesses third solo album, debauchery and reckless sexual references rule. In fact, I’m not sure that this can so much be called an album as a collection of phone sex recordings; in all its 12 tracks, I don’t think Ms. Spears actually sings a single note. On second thought, maybe that’s a good thing…
Hillary Duff – Metamorphosis: The only question bigger than “How is this album so incredibly terrible?” is “Why does this album even exist?” If I wanted to listen to some actresses musical vanity project I’d buy some J.Lo so I’d at least have something pretty to look at in the liner notes. Horrible. Really, really horrible.
Mandy Moore – Coverage: Mandy shies away from her pop image on this collection of covers that’s not good for much except a few good laughs.
Avril Lavigne – Let Go: Is it really possible for a CD to be so bad that it was released in 2002 and continued to suck all the way through 2003? Apparently so. Touché Ms. Lavigne, touché.
Metallica – St. Anger: Even if you could still download this album on Napster, you wouldn’t bother. Metallic finally buys their own hype, and produces what is perhaps the worst album ever.
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