Students awoke one morning to find two massive metal objects on top of a recently completed cement edifice. Immediately students began to speculate on the structure’s purpose. First-year student Lara Jogues posited, “huh, I wonder where in the world that thing came from?”

 

No students or staff witnessed any construction taking place. Construction site chief Ha Meranail stated, “We didn’t do this. I came to work one day and this thing was just here – no plans or materials ever existed.” This lack of an explanation prompted students to look into the towering gray construction.

 

After a long and intensive investigation, the Coffee Break team uncovered the true origins of the structure. Extraterrestrial beings constructed it to function as a proxy satellite base.  

 

The Skari Aliens traditionally reside in the Phake nebula in the Nautreal galaxy. They are interested in expanding their commercial real estate portfolio. Earth seemed to be like an ideal place to begin buying up property. Skari Business Minister A. Dolan stated in an interview, “Earth is so cheap, it’s really a buyers’ market right now.”

 

The proxy satellite base serves as an information gathering point. The data collected at the base is then transmitted to the Skari base on the far side of the moon. The moon base acts as a signal amplifier and ethernet connection portal. Both of these bases are pivotal in transmitting information from earth to the Skari planet 35,000 light-years away.  

 

Head of Facilities at Fairfield and Vice Provost of Interstellar Development have refused to comment on the story.

 

Starry Knight, professor of communications, praised the Skari project. “I think it’s really something special that Fairfield has the opportunity to assist in this large scale communications operation,” Knight stated.

 

Some students have praised the new presence on campus citing an increase in diversity. Junior Gal Axy said, “This new group on campus can offer a new viewpoint, something beyond our solar system.”

 

Super Senior Caférina Brittle, President of the Students for Fair Land Use Compensation, expressed her discontent at the situation. Brittle said, “No permits were ever issued, no impact studies were ever completed. I think this was a widespread institutional failure. Do they own the land? Do they pay rent?” Brittle became too apoplectic to continue the interview.  

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