Her Cocktail – by Jennifer Calhoun

I’m not your typical girl. I’d rather watch ESPN than MTV. I’d rather go outside and play soccer than go tanning. And I’d definitely rather read Sports Illustrated than Cosmopolitan.

It’s funny that men, such as my partner Tom here, say that they love that in a girl. However, in practice, it means you’re subjected to a life as “one of the guys.”

At least in my life, it means guys tend to call you up when there’s a game on, or you spend your time sitting around and talking about the transfer rumors of the NFL, or even better, they text you merely for your opinions on whatever happens to be the headline on ESPN.com.

So they preach and preach about wanting a girl they can bring to a game, or shows interest in their favorite sports team, but in real life, they look for the girl with the shortest skirt, and who clearly are just repeating sports opinions they heard some guy saying in Barone.

Coming from a girl who can name the starting lineup for Manchester United and the stats for Matt Ryan in the 2012-2013 season, there are certain things other girls say when watching sports that just completely infuriate me. Yet it still seems to work just fine for the guys.

First there’s the girl who just has no desire to watch the sports and they feel the need to express that to everyone. They’ll be sitting in a guy’s room while they’re watching basketball, and saying loudly “I don’t want to watch this! Sports are so boooooring!” Okay well, you can just leave, then. There is no rule that says that you have to sit here and torture yourself, not to mention everyone else in the room. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t have any problem with a girl who is sincerely not interested in sports. Most of my good friends don’t like sports. The difference, and the people I dislike, are the ones who need to express their distaste for sports to everyone for attention.

Second, there’s the girl who watches sports and just comments on the attractive men playing. I’m not going to lie and say I haven’t done it, because when Adam Scott is golfing or Iker Casillas is finally back in goal for Real Madrid, I’m not going to not admire them. However, the difference comes in the fact that I can also appreciate the actual game these people are playing. So sorry, while I can’t say I don’t appreciate hot athletes, I also don’t want to sit there and hear you blather on about how “absolutely dreamy” Cristiano Ronaldo is, when you can’t even tell me anything about his athleticism, and probably don’t even know what sport he plays. Do me a favor and keep your creepy fantasies about these athletes to yourself.

And finally there’s the girl who is the fake fan, just to impress the men around her. Okay, go on and recite verbatim things you have heard other people say, just so they can think you’re super awesome. But you’re not fooling me. I’ve read the ESPN articles you’re quoting, and I’ve seen the tweets from the people whose opinion you’re stealing. And there’s a difference between being a fan of a team and then just donning team apparel after they win, so men can see you and talk to you about the team that you don’t even know any athletes on, except maybe their star player.

I’d much rather be a girl who is “just one of the guys” than one of these annoying girls. On the same level, if you’re one of the guys who says you’re looking for a girl who is genuinely interested in sports, and goes for one of these girls, there is a very good chance that I have lost a lot of respect for you.

So yeah, I have a lot of opinions on the subject, but it all boils down to how guys need to stop asking for a girl who likes sports and instead go for a girl who is clearly just playing them.

Stop falling for it … you look like Bill Buckner.

His Beer – by Tom Shea

In a hypothetical world, I would be on a date with a girl. Now that I’ve lost all credibility in this article, let’s just keep going in this magical dream world I’ve created.

Let’s say that I decide that it’s a good idea to take the girl to some sort of sporting event, say a baseball game. Because nothing impresses a girl more than buying 10 dollar tickets to a Bridgeport Bluefish game.

But assuming she’s very nice or has absolutely nothing else better to do that night, she agrees to stay and watch the game with me. Sounds like a very nice time for both of us potentially, right?

That is, until the Bluefish turn a very nicely executed 6-4-3 double play, at which point she turns to me and says, “I hate baseball, what’s double play even mean?”

Which is when I let out a sigh, and realize that this girl is now dead to me.

There is an epidemic among girls in our culture that, for whatever reason, leads them to believe that they should be ignorant to the point of disdain towards sports. I have absolutely no idea where it started, if it is genetic, or if it is something that medical research needs to bring its attention to. But it needs to stop.

I have heard that women sometimes encourage other women to act a little ignorant or helpless in order to help the man in the relationship feel more masculine. I wouldn’t say that I don’t support that, but I suppose I can see some weird logic in the sentiment. But please, ladies, do not take that advice too far.

The reality of the situation is that a guy loves it when his lady friend at least shows a little curiosity into his favorite sport. It benefits us in so many ways: We can watch a game alone with you and not feel like we’re torturing you; we can watch a game with you and our guy friends and not feel like we’re torturing our friends; and maybe we get to see you wearing our teams’ jersey — a massive turn-on for us.

The myth about women emasculating men with sports knowledge is exactly that: a myth. I have covered two women’s sports this year extensively — volleyball and basketball — and both times I talked to female athletes on a regular basis about their sports which they know more about than I can ever hope to, and I never felt any degree of emasculation. If it comes down to a guy ending a relationship with a girl because of her knowledge of sports, it’s a much more telling reflection of him than it is her.

And don’t forget, a small knowledge of sports help you out as well. Anytime you are nervous about what to get us as a gift, knowing our favorite teams is incredibly helpful. I’ve never known any sports fan to turn down a jersey or even a t-shirt with his team’s name on it.

I’m not asking that all girls go out and learn all the stats for their man’s favorite players (Dustin Pedroia hit .290 last year, and Will Middlebrooks had 15 bombs in an injury year, in case you were looking to impress me, ladies). All I ask is that you give it an open mind and know enough to just communicate — you may even find that you end up really liking sports, even if you end up really not liking the guy.

If you take anything away from this hackneyed piece of writing, ladies, let it be this: do not be afraid to give the sport an honest chance. If your boyfriend, male friend, sex friend, or whatever guy you have in your life happens to throw a football your way, just give it a shot. It is our way of letting you into our world and sharing our interests, so don’t flatly reject it, because when you do, it’s like you’re rejecting a piece of us.

After saying all that, April 26 is the home-opener for the Bluefish. Any takers?

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