Gym-goers of previous years will attest to the fact that it is nothing short of miraculous that I have not had to wait to get on the treadmill once this year at our delightful RecPlex, where five of the 11 treadmills are currently “out of order.” Perhaps my intimidating athletic abilities make everyone else on the treadmills scatter as I walk in the door? Unlikely.
More likely, as my good friend Catherine put it so delicately last week: “the freshmen haven’t realized they’re getting fat yet.” Oh my little freshmen munchkins, trust me – you are.
Packing on the pounds is just one of the many repercussions of the unhealthy college lifestyle many of us tend to lead. Looking back at pictures of myself from freshmen year, not only was I a stone-cold fox, but I also looked about 10 years younger.
All-nighters, a few hundred gallons of Natural Light, an increasing tolerance of slightly expired foods, the stress of school and the Domino’s 5-5-5 deal have all resulted in the loss of my youthful glow, which has now been replaced by dark circles, bags under my eyes and a booty that Sir Mix-A-Lot only dreamed of.
On Sunday, when I wake up with a hoarse voice and feel like I have been taken out by a Dattco bus, I’m at a loss for an explanation until facebook wallmaster directs me to 20 newly tagged photos of me giving my friends their own personal concert while making repeated failed attempts to do the worm. Belting out Tina Turner all night into a beer can microphone has never resulted in anything good for one’s health.
FU students undoubtedly lack sleep and probably most of the nutrients in the food pyramid that aren’t listed under beer, easy-mac, and Chef’s Table – excuse me “Groovy’s” – take out.I suppose we all could cut back a little. For example, we could drink a few less nights a week… use the money we save to buy a salad. But is that really what college is about? Sure, we may be shaving a couple years off our lives, but the alternative could mean missing out on many a priceless moment while your peers are out getting their eagle on. Who knows what Dan will do at the bar if we leave him unsupervised?!
Let’s just all agree to diet and exercise the week before spring break (like we know we’re going to do anyways) and hope that there’s some new miracle diet invented by the time we graduate.
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