I think I’ve always felt a little lost.
Throughout my life I have had a turbulent sense of identity. There have been times where I have felt I knew exactly who I was and where I was going, and times where the weight of the uncertainty kept me in bed for days at a time.
One thing that I have always relied upon is music. The simple act of listening to music is such a large part of my day to day that I truly don’t know what I would do without it.
People on this campus know me as the girl with the red headphones. Throughout my years at Fairfield, I have made countless friends who have told me they already knew who I was by what I wear around my neck. It is true — I don’t go anywhere without my signature red Beats.
I simply need music to go about my life. You can find me with my Beats on at the gym, walking class to class, in my room, doing homework; sometimes you can even find me asleep with them on. Music gives me a sense of direction when I feel aimless.
Music was such a large part of my life growing up, that now I attach a lot of my taste to different members of my family. I love Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin because my grandparents constantly played it. My grandfather would cry when “My Way” would play, and now I do too. My dad and brother always play “The Gambler” by Kenny Rogers when we take sunset rides on the boat. My mother listens to Natalie Cole while making my favorite meals, and when I listen to “Mona Lisa” I can see us dancing around the kitchen.
It’s therapeutic for me to put my headphones on and find the perfect song to listen to. Right now as I write it’s “Dreams” by Fleetwood Mac. I’m content to be alone in my own little world with the volume too high. My parents always say it’s why I can’t hear anything (they’re probably right).
Music is probably one of the best ways to get to know me. It’s one of the best ways I have come to know myself. I think I will probably always be the girl with the red headphones, and that’s the way I like it.