Lately, I’ve been griping a lot about how I’ve been having to do all sorts of adult stuff (“It’s about time you got out of the crib,” my loving father said recently) and today’s not going to be any exception. Recently, I bought a suit for an upcoming job interview and was approved for a credit card on the same day. Even though the credit card story is the more interesting of the two on account of the sheer number of profanities uttered, I’m going to do my editors a favor here and go with the slightly-less offensive suit story.

It all began at La Salsa, which I shall forever refuse to call ‘Senor Salsa’. My old roommate Jayson was visiting from Denver for the end of his spring break and was just trying to satisfy what I can only call a ‘hankering’ for some taquitos. A couple mutual friends of ours were there as well, so I felt no real shame when I announced I had to split off to be measured by a tailor.

“Well, how about if I come with you?” asked Jayson.

“Sure, that’d be great,” I replied.

We had our friends drop us off at where we were going. It was mid-afternoon, so when we entered the store, the place was more or less empty save for two salesmen and a bunch of extremely well-dressed, legless, headless mannequins. The man who helped me out was a real professional, but was acting fairly reserved. Being that two men had just walked into his store for the purpose of buying one suit, I had an idea on why the man might have felt as if he were in unfamiliar territory. He was still extremely polite and shook both our hands on the way out, but Jayson couldn’t put his finger on why the tailor seemed so out of his depth. He commented on it immediately after we left the store.

“Man, that guy was awkward.”

“He thought we were gay, Jayson.”

“He did?”

Jayson stopped to ponder this for exactly one second, but then said, “You’re right, he definitely did. That might be partially my fault.”

“How so?”

“Well, when you stepped outside to go get some cash, he was all like, ‘So, how do you two know each other,’ and I just said, ‘Well, we live together, we’re really good friends and we just really like each other.’”

According to his own account, Jayson then proceeded to let out a deep sigh, put both hands in his pockets, look skyward and say the words, “Ah, Jack,” as if he were summoning to mind the time we both were both having a picnic on Bellarmine lawn watching the sunset and … Oh no, I’m typing my private thoughts again!

What I meant to say was that Jayson was remembering the time we both went to the EXPLOSION STORE and ATE STICKS OF DYNAMITE FOR FUN and then topped it all off by DRINKING SOME COLT 45 because BUDWEISER ISN’T AMERICAN ANYMORE.  YEAH!!

This wasn’t even the strangest thing to happen that day. No lie, three minutes later we saw a guy just walk out of a coffee shop wielding a full-size samurai sword. However, that’s a story for another time.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.