SHE said: Deal-breakers: Lock it up, before they lock you up

A “deal-breaker” can be defined as a skewed characteristic, conflict or issue that would eliminate any ideas of taking one’s romantic relationship to the next level.

In college, we use the term “relationship” loosely (in most cases it’s just code for “I’ve woken up with Person X after more than 10 nights out at the bar, so I guess we are ‘together.'”) It’s for this reason that our deal-breakers aren’t exactly of the standard “moral differences” variety. I’ve noticed you boys could use a little help, so I’m going to make this easy for you – keep reading. (Jason Bertoli, you are exempt on a count of being absolutely perfect.)

1. Bad hygiene: This seems pretty obvious, but I would venture to guess I’m not the first girl to kiss a guy and then be able to tell exactly what he ate for dinner. Take my Stop ‘ Shop card, do yourself a favor and pick up a six-pack of Orbit and some Aquafresh.

2. Poor kissing skills: Personal anecdote: I have woken up with swollen, red lips as a result of one particularly awful kissing experience. When you encounter this deal-breaker, it is NOT in your best interest to get drunk and tell the guy just how bad he is – that’s how people’s feelings get hurt. But I think we’ve all been kissing since we were about 13, so if you don’t know what you’re doing by now, I’m sure there’s an instructional YouTube video you could watch.

3. Inability to dress oneself: A person’s wardrobe says a lot about them. So, when you see a guy who’s had on the same green sweater for three consecutive nights you can pretty much figure out that he is A) lazy B) dirty C) stupid or D) all of the above. Now, if that isn’t everything I’m looking for in a guy, I don’t know what is.

4. Mr. Big Shot: OK, so Uncle Bernie got you that internship at Goldman and now you can’t stop talking about how you’ll be making $11 million a year as you sip your Grey Goose and tonic. If you’re too good for Dubra and Monster.com you are no friend of mine.

And finally, any guy whose New Year’s Resolution is to be “The Biggest College Dude I Can Be” needs to realize that there will be many a broken deal in his future.