Author Eric Walker

I've been in school for 18 years now. Since I really don't remember much from the first three years of my life, I can't recall any point in my life where I wasn't going to class. I have met many good people and had countless positive experiences. While I definitely have learned a lot in grammar school, high school and college, my maturity is questionable.

They call it "senioritis", or severe procrastination, putting off your work to the last minute and then handing in a half-assed paper with numerous grammatical errors. Most fourth graders could turn in better work than what most of us males in our fourth year of college have been producing this semester.

Danielle and I write this column for fun and we most certainly don't get paid to do it. We write because we actually enjoy it, so the primary purpose of our column is to make people laugh. In order to make people laugh, we shy away from important issues such as the war or gay marriage.

Easter is a holiday that I should have cherished this year. After all, it was the first chance for me to escape the confines of my smelly house and eat something besides a peanut butter sandwich. However, this year I was a bit apprehensive about coming home for Easter because I knew that the first question out of at least half of our 24 houseguests' mouths was going to be, "What are you planning to do after graduation?" As always, my prediction was correct, and that question came up several times over the course of lunch.

As a beach resident for the last two years, I am qualified to speak on the numerous differences between girls' houses and guys' houses down at Fairfield Beach. Every girls' house that I have ever been in smells pleasant, sort of a floral scent emanating from a Yankee candle or the fruity aroma of shampoo.

692 people are dead and over $100 billion has been spent thanks to the George W. Bush ' Co. led invasion of Iraq. For the steep costs of this war, little has been yielded in results. Zero weapons of mass destruction (WMD) have been found. There is no connection between 9/11 and Iraq.

It is safe to say that everyone our age has some issues with body image. Advertisers exploit this human preoccupation with appearance by attempting to sell us a myriad of products that are designed to transform our natural look. Did you ever notice Cosmo and Maxim don't advertise anything to enhance your intelligence or personality? Males Hair Products - Your current hairstyle sucks.

Dear Mom, God, and citizens of Nassau: Chances are I am going to misbehave next week over spring break. I'm not sorry at all about it either. Instead, I'm going to lay it all out on the table now so no one is surprised about what I do during these upcoming seven days.

I apologize in advance for not being funny this week, but I'm trying to make a point. Bear with me. On the seventh day the Lord rested, so that means the rest of us are supposed to, right? Sunday should be the one day where people are actually motivated to accomplish all of the tasks that they were putting off for the whole week and also the one day that people go to church to atone for the sins that they don't necessarily feel bad about.

In most cases a man should be happy for a friend who's just getting involved with a new girl. It's a new and exciting time for your boy until his new girlfriend turns into Norman Bates and all of the sudden you're not allowed to hang out with a kid you've known forever.