They call it “senioritis”, or severe procrastination, putting off your work to the last minute and then handing in a half-assed paper with numerous grammatical errors. Most fourth graders could turn in better work than what most of us males in our fourth year of college have been producing this semester.
But senioritis is not limited to only males in the senior class. With the end of the semester approaching, and the light at the end of the tunnel becoming closer, no guy really wants to spend any more time than they absolutely have to at the library. This definitely explains why women do better in school than we do.
Honestly, at this point in the year teachers must realize that there are so many more things that we would rather be doing than plagiarizing a 12 page paper on a topic that we probably don’t care that much about.
For example, instead of spending Tuesday night at the library finishing a paper that is due on Thursday, I suggest binge drinking until the wee hours of Wednesday morning. You’ll have a great time, and there’s a good chance that after your sixth drink you won’t care at all that that Philosophy paper is due in 36 hours.
Think about it, on Tuesday night the only problem that you had was that you had a paper due. On Wednesday morning you’re going to have so much more to deal with.
On top of the paper that is now due tomorrow, you have to deal with the repercussions of everything you did the night before. If you played your cards right, you probably got in some sort of incident with the police, broke something that didn’t belong to you, or casually hooked up with a girl that is reputed to be less than respectable.
Compared with a court date for a misdemeanor alcohol violation, having to pay $150 to fix your neighbors window, or a case of the clap, researching Aristotle’s Nicomachean Ethics won’t seem that bad.
So the next time you’ve got two days left to do something that you’ve had four months to do, I say put it off for one more day. It’s not like the extra day is going to make your paper better anyways, and besides, there are only four more weeks of two dollar drink night at the Grape. I expect perfect attendance out of all of you.
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