Valentine’s Day. Last thing I want to hear is the cliché “it is a day created to cheat consumers out of money.” That is no longer original or witty. It’s simply a tired excuse for people who want to complain (I should know, I do that every week).

For Your Hookup: Valentines Day is the epitome of the Anti-Hookup. For that steady yet non-committal relationship you have had going on many beers weekend nights, it is the day that can spell disaster. The best thing is to simply avoid the subject or if nothing else find some excuse to be sick Sunday through Wednesday. If you have to do something, take them to see “No Strings Attached” and leave halfway through.

The Date: In an age in which girls continually complain that guys don’t go on dates anymore and say how all they want is sex, I’m shocked to see Blackberry girl attack my straight from the preppy handbook wardrobe and date.

First girls complain that we don’t take them on a date and then you complain it is not different or exotic enough. If a guy is taking you to dinner and a movie and not offering you sweatpants to wear I think you should be flattered, not complaining that he didn’t take you on some romantic walk through central park and pay for a stupid carriage ride (Blackberry girl’s dream).

I blame the whole wanting crazy dates on the amount of chick flicks girls watch. I’ve seen enough to know that after the part of the movie where the guy messes up and is trying to win the girl back he either does really cute or really crazy. I’ve decided that girls wanting these fanciful stories and wondrous dates is the same as the guy wanting his date to perform everything he watched last night alone on the Internet: both of these movies set unobtainable goals for both sexes and are set by sick people who fantasize about love and sex and never find it themselves.

Single People: You don’t need to pour a Robin Scherbatsky (How I Met Your Mother) size wine glass and eat ice cream. Nor do you need to watch movies that will make you cry. Just embrace the fact that you are single and on the next Friday night when your friends are turning down members of the opposite sex you can be living it up “College Style” (So Cool…Not).

For all of you who are wondering what iPhone’s date will be. I will open the door to the car for her, offer her my coat if she is cold, and certainly pay the bill. I’ll be at some trendy wine bar ordering Sauvignon Blanc, not Sauvignon BLANK (that is Blackberry girl’s favorite wine to butcher).

After dinner I’ll ask her what she wants to do movie, ice-skating, a museum, or whatever she chooses. Sure it sounds boring compared to some chick flick movie dream date but just count how many real dates you’ve been on before you judge.

P.S. In case you did not hear, the iPhone is now out for Verizon, just in time for Valentine’s Day. If you want to make Blackberry girl’s day, it is the perfect gift, and better yet, you won’t have to see her stupid BBM picture anymore.

– Sent from my iPhone

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