Why don’t people ever date anymore? It seems like that meeting new people is a whole lot different nowadays. Any thoughts on this phenomenon?
-Dateless and Dumbstruck
From the surface, it may seem like the hook-up is replacing baseball as America’s pastime. But I don’t think it’s as simple as that.
Time for one of those “I have a friend of a friend” stories, but it paints the picture quite well. A roommate of a friend of mine is engaged, and they’ve dated pretty much throughout college. They both seem really happy, and that’s great. But I can’t imagine them reaching that stage without some sort of dating. I doubt trips to the local bars and campus parties was the extent of their courting.
I do believe, however, that dating starts later in a relationship. I think that a few run-ins, a couple of nights hanging out with friends, etc. has replaced some of the dating nowadays. A few dates with one girlfriend of mine was really an outing of three, with her friend tagging along partly because she had nothing to do and partly because she was screening me for warning signs that I would turn into a disgusting ex later in her life.
Dating hasn’t gone away; a trip to match.com will alleviate any of your worries about that. But I get the general sense that with the average age of marriage still increasing in this country, with the life expectancy rising as well, that dating and truly trying to find that special someone isn’t quite as important in college as it used to be. Many people want to get out, get their careers going, or in today’s economy, get their graduate degree before they get their baby-plannin’ on.
So I think it’s more a change in timeline vs. an elimination of an important courtship ritual. After all, no one should be allowed to get through life without a date where they’ve got a little green something in their teeth.
But I dare my readers to prove me right or wrong. Are you a dater at heart? Or did you meet someone through an unusual avenue and continue to see this person in a way other than going bowling in those ridiculous shoes you ordered off of eBay? Share some love with readers of this space, and I’ll include it in a future column.
Are dating Web sites really worth the effort? I get the feeling there’s not much out there on the internet, and these massive sites seem to have few people in my area.
-Dateless dot.bombed
I would recommend against The Mirror‘s dating site. There seems to be a lot of desperate journalists wanting information from many people as possible.
Dating sites are still a bit of a novelty, but many late-night TV watchers have seen ads for Lavalife, and others are familiar with match.com, and both of them offer an alluring opportunity: you get to not only find that special someone, but before you take the plunge, you get to read about them, and even see their picture!
Oh, if only it were that simple.
The same euphemisms that can be used in classified ads can be used online: full-figured (overweight), career-oriented (workaholic), annoying twit (annoying twit). Pictures could be from yesterday, last month, or that one glorious day in April of 1997 when the person stepped on the scale and actually weighed what they wanted to, only to rebound to their former weight after a weekend bender of food and soda. And then there’s the issue, small that it is, that you don’t know if they are boring, have an annoying personal habit, or seem to have stolen Fran Drescher’s voice.
In addition, rejection seems to come faster, swifter, and is even sometimes more harsh. You send an E-mail or two, you seem to click, and suddenly they lose interest in you and just don’t respond. Did their computer break down? Or have they decided that “ctloverusa” isn’t the one for them?
There are advantages though. Dating sites have become quite the mainstream attraction, meaning it’s not just Dungeons and Dragons players or people who haven’t had a date since Neil Armstrong landed on the moon. It also means that people with more casual attitudes about dating are there, and there’s quite a variety of different people out there for you to find.
These sites are worth exploring; if a description sounds appealing and it ends up being true, you’ve already accomplished part of that pesky getting-to-know-you stage. It gives you a chance to meet new people, and allows you to broaden your horizons outside of a campus, club or work situation. Meeting someone new, even if they turn out to be a friend, is well worth the effort.
Just remember that not every listing will be fun in the sun, so don’t get disappointed if the first couple don’t work out. Meeting someone with those eBay bowling shoes on isn’t a guarantee either. Good luck, and thanks for asking.
Next week: A little behind-the-scenes action.
E-mail your questions to joconnell@fairfieldmirror.com or, if you’re on campus, send them to Box AA.
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