Has a whiny little snot-nosed kid in the cookie aisle at Stop ‘ Shop ever pissed you off so much that you tell yourself, “If I had something I could hit that kid with, I’d use it”?
Me too.
What a great age we live in, because not only does a company now manufacture such a tool, but God says it’s OK to use it! It’s called The Rod, and it’s been on the market for a few years now.
The Rod’s tagline reads as follows: “belts are for holding up pants, spoons are for cooking and eating, hands are for loving, rods are for chastening.”
An ad for the rod highlights its “cushioned vinyl grip” which is “durable for years of use,” prevents slippage, and “helps to judge distance [to the victim’s backside] during training.” Also, the rod is made of “flexible nylon,” which yields “more effective results,” is “less likely to break,” and, my favorite feature, “minimizes the potential for injury.”
This is where the joke ends. Everything you just read is real (except for the indication that I’m a child-beater). The Rod is real, and it costs $5.00 plus shipping and handling.
To me, it seems really bizarre that a tool for beating children would ever make it to the market these days. We live in a society that punishes adults for assaulting other adults and is even harsher on adults who hurt children. Normally, the Federal Trade Commission would have a weapon such as this off the market sooner than you could say “Don’t make me take out the hose.”
Here’s the rub: the ad says that the rod is “prescribed by God” in Proverbs 13:24, which reads, “He that spareth his rod hateth his son; but he that loveth him chastenth him betimes.” It seems that the government’s hands are tied when it’s called to “chasten” anything loosely tied to Christianity, even when it comes to child-abuse.
Some argue that poor exegesis is the real cause of The Rod’s existence. In Hebrew, the language in which the book of Proverbs was originally written, the word for rod is “shabat.” A shabat is the rod used by a shepherd to care for sheep. It is used for a variety of tasks including counting, protecting and herding sheep, and for parting sheep wool to check skin for diseases, among other things. However, there is no evidence that a shabat was ever used to physically strike a sheep. It makes sense. Have you ever met a shepherd who beats his sheep? Neither have I.
In Funk and Wagnall’s Pulpit Commentary, Professor E. Johnson, a biblical scholar, says “The rod may stand as a figure for all correction, firm yet kindly discipline, and instruction.” To me, this is a sounder interpretation of Proverbs.
Outlawing The Rod and any other manifestations of it should be a no-brainer for our society. At best, the only reason we have for using it is an uneducated interpretation of a cloudy Bible passage. While the true intent of the passage is impossible to discern, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that defenseless children should receive the benefit of the doubt. Down with The Rod and its cushioned vinyl grip!
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