If you’re an avid reader of The Mirror (and I hope you are, whoever it is reading this), you’ll have seen the answers I give every week in the 4×5 on page 14 in the Sports section. While you should definitely check out the 4×5 this week, I’ve joked there twice this semester about my aversion to horror movies, with an exact quote being, “I have never enjoyed a horror movie in my life :).” 

The “:)” may lead you to believe that this was said in jest, but I am being completely serious when I say that I have truly never in my life enjoyed a horror movie in the way that I would enjoy, say, a period drama adapted from a Jane Austen novel. You’re talking about a girl who used to not be able to make it through “Hocus Pocus,” a film shown on Disney Channel starring Bette Midler; all things considered, how scary could it have actually been? It’s with this fact that I’ve fully accepted my identity as that of a giant wuss.

Halloween therefore represents such a conflict-ridden time for me, as I’m someone who loves getting dressed up, eating candy and going out with friends to generally partake in everything about Halloween, minus all elements of horror. I’ll carve pumpkins, put up decorations and watch “The Rocky Horror Picture Show” like I do every year to get in the festive mood, but I refuse to touch horror movies with anything less than a forty foot pole; they can keep their distance. 

Blood, guts and gore? Absolutely not. Jumpscares? If they’re asking me to jump in fear, I’ll deliver, and kick anyone in my direct vicinity in the process. Anything involving insects or feral creatures? I will be making a brisk exit from the room.

The last unpopular opinion I expressed in this section was my strong dislike for summer, and while I’ll admit that was a pretty controversial one, this may be a strong contender. But I know I can’t be alone, especially because basic logic contends that spending at least an hour and a half being terrified is only something enjoyed by crazy people! Who asks for that?!

So for those of you who also have nightmares because of the mildest horror film, know that you’re not alone, and I’m probably a bigger baby than you are! You’re valid! 

In the spirit of this being a constructive discussion, however, I am not without suggestions on how to deal with a potential conflict between your own fears and your friends’ crazy desires to be scared out of their minds. Here’s my advice to skirt the whole issue this Halloween: instead of the latest slasher film, convince your friends to watch a true crime documentary about a serial killer instead. After all, nothing tops fictional horror like the horrors of reality. And on that note, happy Halloween!

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