I enjoyed Dan Shannon’s article so much last week, it has inspired me to write a response. Not all of these pertain to every girl, but they are just a few topics that came to mind. So, for you curious guys out there who wouldn’t be caught dead reading Cosmopolitan, this is for you.

10.Don’t take longer than me to get ready. Let’s be honest – I obviously don’t want you to show up looking like the guys who play pots and pans instead of drums in the New York subway stations. But I have more clothes than you, more shoes than you, not to mention coordinating jewelry, makeup, hairdo, and a much more detailed shower rundown. Therefore, you should take no longer than 20 minutes to get ready.

9.Confident vs. Cocky. Okay, I realize almost every guy has some kind of insecurity, but every guy also has something great about him. And somewhere along the way, it became unorthodox for people to be proud of themselves. A guy who recognizes any good quality in himself is automatically deemed self-absorbed. I find this really unfortunate because to me, confidence is a key attribute. A guy who is constantly worrying or considers himself unworthy just gets really annoying.

8.Why do you say “girls don’t poop”? I apologize if I have caused any readers nausea, but this is a ludicrous claim that I have come across many times and really feel the need to clear up. We have all (thanks to the core) taken a biology class at some point and therefore can say with certainty that males and females have many anatomical differences. The digestive tract is not one of them. It goes in one end, and out the other – regardless of gender.

7.The truth about “sick bodies.” A guy who goes to the gym is a good thing. It shows self-discipline, some degree of concern for appearance, and, hopefully, a desire to be healthy. However, if your stomach looks like three speed bumps, your neck is slowly disappearing into your shoulders, and your nickname is “Juice,” then I’m not as impressed as you might think.

6.Patience is a virtue. It is a known fact (right up there with the Earth orbiting the sun) that women are fickle. We’re moody and we always change our minds. We want to be respected and recognized as equals, but we still want to know chivalry is not dead. If you know you’re wrong, apologize. If you know you’re right, apologize.

5.Keep the cursing to a minimum. Everyone, in the heat of frustration, pain or anger uses profanity, and understandably so. But during a conversation, if you cannot find enough words in your vocabulary to articulate your point, hit the road to the nearest library. Enough said.

4.We want you to be cool with our friends, too. We aren’t always talking about “Grey’s Anatomy” or what department has a sale at Bloomingdale’s. So don’t look so ready to run the other way if I want you to come out with my friends and me. It is actually possible for us to all sit, have a few drinks together and hold a decent conversation. Giving it a chance gives you major bonus points.

3.Keep the jealousy to yourself unless it’s serious. For every girl to only have female friends is about as likely as the Fairfield beach residents encouraging every senior event to go on full-force this spring. Your so-called theory of “guys and girls can never really be friends” has only been proven remotely true because certain guys are 100 percent hormone-driven. There is a reason a girl is dating you and is “just friends” with her guy friends. So unless she is taking a CPR class with her bud and practicing resuscitation drills, then keep quiet.

2.Not all gifts have to be expensive and come in small velvet boxes. All your current or once-were-boyfriends out there are now rolling their eyes because they have heard this one before, but I’m serious! Sure, I love jewelry just as much as anyone else. But if we go to a concert where my favorite band is playing or eat dinner at my favorite restaurant, I’m just as psyched. Getting something you know your girl would like shows that you pay attention. Knowing you’re interested is valued a great deal more.

1.Sense of humor, above all else. I kind of took this one from Dan, but it is absolutely my number one. First of all, everyone loves to laugh, and every girl I know loves funny guys. But personally, I’m a complete goofball. I make a fool out of myself on a daily basis, and if I can laugh at myself, I want a guy to laugh along with me. And if you can laugh at yourself when you do something stupid, even better. As the great Jimmy Buffett once said: “If we couldn’t laugh, we would just go insane.”

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