Last Thursday was a day to relish. People were playing frisbee in the quad, sandals adorned most feet, it seemed like the perfect ending to a not so perfect week. Having finished classes for the day, I walked back to my humble Campion abode. As I thought to myself what a magnificent day it had been, I looked ahead to see a grouping of five oafs outside the Campion entrance.
I watched as a skinny blonde walked through the doors only to be harassed by these wannabe thugs who shouted after her, “Mmmm, girl you a ten, oh yeah, I do that! Right on sista!”
Another girl walked through the screen of idiots only to hear she was a bit too chunky for their taste.
Steam was probably flying out of my ears at this point. Who did these donkeys think they were? Five morons gathered like pigs at the trough, snorting as their female classmates pass them by. Its time like these I wish God had granted me the courage to gather up attitude and smack those dim-wits in the face and let them know what I really thought of them. Unfortunately, I was not bold enough to let lose on the flock of hogs. Instead I bit down on my tongue and walked through the abyss.
Oh yes, these pea-brained boys ranked me too. No, I was not flattered by their audible rating of a “five” apparently because I was too short and stubby for these imbeciles. Short and stubby I may be, but being ranked had suddenly turned a sunny Fairfield afternoon into a nauseatingly insulting experience. Despite my attempt to give the evil eye to these morons across the cafeteria, I was unsatisfied with my inability to teach these jerks a lesson.
So here is what I wish I had said when I walked by this group of unintelligent boys…
“Thank you, thank you for ruining a perfectly beautiful day and making me resent the admissions board for letting such arrogant fools onto this campus. You boys may think I’m a five, but I am comforted by the fact that in ten years from now I will be somewhere, someone. You, on the other hand will be left behind with your sophomoric follies to watch idly as those girls whom you ranked rise above you and become the people who write your paychecks.
“So yes, get your laughs now, be as obnoxious as you dare be, for now you can get away with stupidity. Enjoy yourselves, then in five years when you are alone, pitiful and stuck sitting in a pile of your own worthless thoughts, I will walk by and revel in the fact that I am a five, because I will be passing by a group of zeros.”
So I didn’t say this to your face, and you probably won’t read this article (because I doubt you’re literate), but in stating my disgust at your display, I finally will be able to sleep at night without trying to contemplate the perfect comeback to the crude rankings by the wannabe thugs of Campion.
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