All views expressed in this article are for entertainment purposes only. The authors will be the first to admit that butt shorts are the best thing since free Domino’s!
15. Tucked-In Shirts: Fake ID not flying at Blackrock, guys? Since you don’t have feminine wiles to win over with the bouncers, try tucking your button down shirt into your pretty shorts. It’s sure to add a solid 30 years to your image.
14. Ribbons: Your inner-twelve year old is dying to break free. Release her out by tying a ribbon into your ponytail.
13. North Face Backpack: Don’t forget to pack your trail mix in your North Face for the extreme hiking conditions of Fairfield University.
12. Pleated Skirts: Sky-high pleated mini-skirts are not just for cheerleaders and saucy Catholic schoolgirls. Implant dirty thoughts into the minds of your “friends with benefits” by parading around in one of these.
11. LaCoste Shirt: The itty-bitty alligator logo on these shirts certainly takes a chomp out of your wallet. Golfers and prepsters of the 80’s are no longer the sole proprietors of this trend. Only available in extra small. 10. Sweat bands: Walking up the steps of the BCC too exhausting? Does your sweat rival that found on the cold-cuts in the dining hall? Stay dry with a sweatband. Bonus: sop up that unmentionable wrist sweat with matching wrist bands.
9. Trucker Hats: Only you and that middle aged overweight trucker for the John Deere Corporation could pull this look off. Make sure to tilt it to one side so there is no question that this hat is for fashion purposes only.
8. Vera Bradley Bag: Missing your grandma? Channel her by carrying a Vera Bradley bag at your side. Large enough to even tote your arthritis medication!
7. Red SOLO Cup: The ultimate party accessory, the red cup perfectly adorns any outfit. Feeling daring? Opt for neon blue.
6. Vivid pastels … for men: Nothing beats a brilliant salmon colored collared shirt. Pair your shirt with baby blue shorts, and you have one terrific, Technicolor combo!
5. Nalgene Water Bottle: Dropping 15 bucks on this water bottle is money well-spent. This bottle is durable enough to back your 18-wheeler over it (while sporting your John Deere hat of course). Guarenteed to still be cold!
4. Armani: Attention all male fashionistas of Mediterranean descent: if you look down at your ripped chest and don’t see the magical letters A-R-M-A-N-I, set yourself on fire immediately. Then extinguish the blaze in style, with an Armani fire blanket.
3. Fake Tan: What could possibly be more ravishing than day-glow orange skin in the dead of winter? Make sure you take to Hollywood Tans at least three times a week to maintain your apricot sheen. 2. Butt Shorts: Ooze sexiness with a pair of butt shorts valued at about $10 but retailed at $24. Mesh or cotton, proudly dress up your derrière with shorts featuring either STAGS or FAIRFIELD emblazoned on the backside. The best way to pull off this trend? Roll them up so high that neither word is recognizable; makes for a fun guessing game!
1. Collared Shirt: Fairfield students have given a new spin to an old classic: turn the collar up. Give off a mysterious allure while also hiding hickeys from embarrassing hookups. Hey, it’s the new turtleneck!
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