Zero goals. Not one. Despite hosting the NCAA hockey tournament, the Fairfield Stags could not manage to get one goal past their opponents.
‘It was like we didn’t even show up,’ head coach Dan Akeson said. ‘This was worse than all the times the New York Rangers have lost in the playoffs the past few years. I’m embarrassed.’
Akeson, a former sports writer and roller hockey phenom, was hired as the Stags head coach after a successful club season in the fall. But this was not the result he expected.
‘When Gene [Doris] called me and offered me the job, I thought we would at least be able to score a goal,’ Akeson said while frowning. ‘But I guess I was wrong. Not a single goal all season.’
Fairfield was surprised to even be a part of the tournament, but learned that a loophole in the NCAA’s rules allowed for a host University to automatically qualify to play in the year-end tournament that ends with the Frozen Four.
‘We were shocked when we found out,’ Doris said. ‘Honestly we were surprised we even were asked to host.’
The NCAA was also surprised to find out that Fairfield actually does not have a hockey team.
‘First of all, how does a Northeastern university not have a hockey team?’ said NCAA representative James Thompson. ‘Second of all, you mean to tell me that Fairfield University and Sacred Heart aren’t the same school?’
Thompson went on to explain that he thought Sacred Heart, which does have a hockey team, would be the host. He was confused by the fact that a University that costs over $48,000 a year to attend not only did not have a hockey team, but also could not find anyone to do a better concert than John Legend.
‘Sacred Heart has hockey and 50 Cent,’ Thompson said. ‘We obviously chose the wrong school to host the tournament.’
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