To the Editor:
This is not so much a letter I suppose, but perhaps more of a suggestion. I am here in the Fairfield University library computer lab. It is 3:24 a.m. and I am doing readings and a paper I have to finish for a presentation I have to do tomorrow. I really have to pee. I mean REALLY have to! Do you have any suggestions on where I might be able to take care of this urge of mine? ‘Cuz I’ve noticed that the cafe is locked, which is where the freaking bathrooms are located. All of a sudden we’re not allowed in the campus center after 2 a.m., so that’s out also. Uh… hello?? We are human, and an all-nighter requires COFFEE! Coffee contains caffeine… caffeine is a diuretic. When they were planning all this construction, did anyone realize that humans would be using these buildings?!? ARGH!! Fairfield University is the master of overlooking important things. Like me peeing. I can’t sit here and write anymore, lest I leak onto these lovely new chairs they thought to buy for us. Wasn’t that nice of ’em? To give us a place to sit while we work on the computers? I’m glad at least they remembered that much… Well, I’m off to wander the campus in search of a storm drain worthy of my recycled coffee and OJ…
Sincerely,
Do Fitzpatrick, 2002
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