Do you often find yourself pausing during the day to wonder, “What can I, Joe Average American, do to become well-known?” Unless you have the Hollywood wannabe appearance of a Barbie doll, and about as much personality as the same piece of plastic, chances are you won’t find yourself vying for a chance to marry a wannabe millionaire on Fox. (Anybody else noticing a “fake” trend weaving itself through reality television?)
So, Joe Average American wants “real,” does he? Perhaps American Idol is the show for you. Oops, then I’m afraid we’re going to have to open the doors to Joe Sub-par American as well – that’s right, you know who I’m talking about, the cheaply dressed women who think that Hollywood is their big chance to escape having to raise their children.
“I think this is a sign,” one woman moaned last week, as she left the stage carrying with her a chair from the set, “that I need to go home and take care of my kids.”
Worried that taking your shower-singing skills to a new level might be even more difficult for you than it has been for them? Don’t worry; I picked up a copy of the application last week and noticed this in small print at the bottom of the page: People with talent need not apply.
Can’t make it into the big concert halls? Well, laughter’s almost as good as applause.
And if you are concerned about sudden bursts of stage fright, try not to think of America’s eyes on you as you calm the butterflies in your stomach in the – ha! – privacy of the restroom sink before you sing. Good thing the contestants don’t have live footage of viewers as they watch. Surely that wouldn’t be good for the already-nervous stomachs!
If you’re prone to bouts of amnesia on stage, forget the ginko biloba. Just scribble them on a piece of crumpled paper, get up there, and read – I mean, sing. Oh, and if you don’t have paper, write on your hands; just don’t let the nerves get your palms too sweaty. Aw, poor baby, is even that too much? Don’t write all the real words, then. Make sure you get about half of them, and then improvise. The judges will get the point.
The outright demeaning nature of the judges’ evaluations is probably half the reason that most of us keep watching American Idol. We don’t really want to hear the off-pitch songs, although the attitudes and apparel of the contestants contribute to the hilarity of the show. We do, however, want to hear the bitter comments directed at potential “Hollywood stars” when they attempt to sing and end up doing little more than making fools of themselves.
Reality television has become so much the butt end of jokes that during halftime of last Sunday’s Superbowl, NBC aired a spoof of American Idol to open a Saturday Night Live special. Clearly, there are few people who view any of this as “real.” Maybe we should be calling this “comedy television,” rather than “reality television.” Either way, we’re all still watching and laughing, and while the judges may say “No” to Hollywood, America has said “Yes” to its Idol.
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