When I was in fifth grade, there were the “cool” girls in the class. They were an elite group that I was never a part of but always eagerly wanted to be included in for so long because of reasons I didn’t quite understand that early in life.
Perhaps the reasoning behind my anxious behavior to be a part of this elite clique of preteen girls is because with every “cool” girl came a “cool” boyfriend and they would “go out” with for a short period of time. They called it “going out” back then, and when I was 11, it meant nothing other than holding hands, sitting at a special table in the cafeteria and, only if you were the coolest of the cool, maybe getting a kiss. It would always be planned, and it would always be seen by the other classmates, especially the girls.
Sarah Salsbury, a senior at New York University and a former classmate from my fifth grade class, was once a girl considered to be of high ranking in the elite “cool” group. She was outgoing, smart, funny, wore the best clothes, and had all the qualities that someone who deserved to be in the “cool” group should have. She is also now my best friend – who would have thought? A “cool girl” ends up being best friends with me.
This past Christmas break, we started talking about Valentine’s Day and about what we wanted to get, or hoped we would get, from each of our long-term boyfriends.
Somehow, one of her exes that she dated in fifth grade came into the conversation, and for some strange reason, I remember exactly who he was. But more importantly, I remember exactly what he gave her for Valentine’s Day. It was the biggest, cutest, white bear holding a huge box of Russell Stover chocolates (something you would be able to get for $8.99 at CVS), but it was considered a huge investment at the time.
This is the reason I wanted to be in this clique of “cool girls”- to get stuff! I must have subconsciously maintained this frame of mind when I headed through middle school (without a boyfriend) and then into high school.
I didn’t have my first kiss until I was nearly 15. My mindset was that you had to be a “cool” girl to get a “cool” boyfriend and then get gifts. I was right. The boy that I had kissed was from Boston and he sent me a huge package a few days before Christmas, and what do you think was the first thing I did? Call all my girlfriends and embellish the greatness of my gifts, of course.
Sad to say, but a lot of women are socially constructed into believing that what a man can buy for you is of utmost importance. The reason we women do this is simply to compete with each other. So maybe if we stop competing we can save the men we love a fortune. Eh, the hell with that idea, let’s stick with the gifts, ladies!
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