Halloween was much better when we were kids. For starters, we never had bad costumes because our moms always made sure they looked good. We got free candy, and at the time that was the ultimate high. Our parents constantly warned us about creepy old men who gave out candy that wasn’t individually wrapped. And the only reason we got mad was if someone’s lights weren’t on. What’s their deal anyway? Do they hate America?
Fast forward 10-15 years and everything is reversed. Most of our costumes are terrible because it’s up to us to make them look good. We don’t even get candy anymore. Girls: Your parents aren’t around to warn you about whether or not things are wrapped. And now we get pissed when lights are on because it usually means we are getting a ticket for drinking/urinating in public. What’s their deal anyway? Sorry for partying.
Guys: We are getting both predictable and unoriginal with our costumes. I’m so sick of seeing the same things every year that I’m going to hand out a Least Creative award.
The nominees are:
The Controversial Sports Story Costume: How many Duke Lacrosse players did we see last year? I also saw a juiced up Barry Bonds. A couple years back, everyone was a rapist: Kobe. For the record, it was consensual sex and don’t let anybody tell you differently. A few Michael Vick’s will be walking around with bloody dogs come the 31st.
“The Dylan Farnum look” or The Not-So-Doug Funnie Look: Growing up, we all watched Doug on Nickelodeon. Quailman seems creative, but it’s one of those ideas that 14 other kids will also think of. If you don’t know what I mean by this title then you clearly don’t remember the episode where everyone wore whatever Dylan Farnum, the star of the hit teen drama “Teen Heart Street” wore on TV each week.
The Wannabe Male Strippers: Halloween is for girls to show off their bodies, not guys. No one wants to see Fireman Bob’s bare chest covered only by suspenders. It’s a cold October night, let’s save the hard nipples for Firegirl Betty.
I’ll let you pick your own winner.
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