He Said: Oh, the battle of the sexes

I’ll be the first to say that I’m not perfect, but who are we kidding, you aren’t either, so let’s get right to the judging.

Girls here at Fairfield are all virtually of the same mold, but they generally come from three different areas.

There are two types of girls from Long Island. The first are the guidettes who use more hairspray than John Travolta dressed as a woman. I mean if you dig beefy muscles and peanuts than my noodle arms and macadamias aren’t for you. Without buying you Jager bombs, no one else has a shot.

The second are the girls that have been spoon fed their entire lives because their daddy owns the world. These little princesses grew up with millions of dolls and no friends, and now they won’t stop talking. But don’t worry, I know a guy from Atlanta who might be able to lend me a few muzzles. After those are on tight, I’d like to take a brick from each of their castles and throw them at their faces.

Girls from the state of Massachusetts (America’s red-headed stepchild) might be the worst. I have a soft spot for chicks who rock baseball hats, but the pink Red Sox hats have got to go. No other demographic thinks they know a lot but know less about their own team than female Red Sox fans.

While the Red Sox do score a lot of runs, it still doesn’t compare to the amount of times guys have rounded the bases with girls from New Jersey.

Considering the amount of times they’ve gotten pumped, you’d think they’d know how to fill up their own gas tanks.

Jersey girls think they are God’s gift to the earth because they live “down the shore.” But when you aren’t laying out in America’s dumpster, you go right to the tanning booth because you think guys are attracted to the color orange.

Girls, if any of you wear Uggs this year, you are going to get a swift kick in the shins. And don’t get mad, isn’t feminism about being equal to men?

Also, what is the deal with the over sized sunglasses? Perhaps you should wear them 24 hours a day because the sun never sets on a badass, right?

That’s the worst AIM profile quote of all time. Get your bad ass to the RecPlex. It’s open until 11.